Life and Times of Laurie... once upon a time Hailey Hawkeye

Attention

2009-11-06T18:15:00.004-06:00

Attention this blog has moved please redirect all links, favorites, and bookmarks to my new site : the sarcastic cynical optimist.

Thank You!

An announcement, and a winner.

2009-11-05T12:45:00.001-06:00

First of all this blog is moving - yes again. I have decided to blog under a new name since I am no longer directly affiliated with roller derby. At this time I would like to introduce the sarcastic cynical optimist. I am still in the process of making everything just 'right'. So please change your links and favorites and take the time to become a follower plz! This blog will stand but will cease to be updated starting this weekend.

The entrants to my first give away:

1. The Coastal Chicster (by way of comment!)
2. aka_Mariha (by way of comment!)
3. The Coastal Chicster (she is a follower!)
4. The Coastal Chicster (for blogging about the give away!)

I then entered 1 - 4 into random.org and it popped up that 4 is the winner.

So, Coastal Chicster send me a email to thesarcasticcynicaloptimistATgmailDOTcom and we will figure out what fragrances you are interested in.

Secondly aka_Mariha since this is my blog and I will do what I want to - shoot me a email to the same address and just for entering you will also get a bar of soap!

I am really excited to see what the both of you think of this soap and thanks for participating!

Giveaway!

2009-10-29T13:00:00.002-05:00

Ah, fall - winter is here.

Chilli weather, hot drinks and sweaters are here.

So is dry skin.

When we lived on the east coast dry skin was not such a concern. Here in Oklahoma that is not the case. During our 'non-humid' months my skin itches. I discovered that the problem was eased by a change in soap. I love my bath poof and body gel as much as the next gal but that just doesn't work in the winter. I need something a little more gentle for my skin.

For years my Mother (in-law) of Stone Bluff Soap Shoppe fame has been making soap and selling it a local shops and vineyards. Her soaps are just right for my skin this time of year. I am especially fond of her gardenia, lavender, and calendula. I guess I just could not keep this luxurious soap to myself any longer.

Well, I made my promise and here is the delivery.

This giveaway is for two bars of hand crafted Stone Bluff Soap and a few other little goodies.

Here’s the deal. Leave a comment on this post between now and November 4th to enter. In your comment tell me how you found my blog / or why you read this blog. I’ll draw a name and give away the prize on November 5th. In addition if you are a follower tell me and that will give you one extra entry if you are following me by way of NetworkedBlogs tell me that too that will give you 3 entries all in one!

So, go tell all of your friends about my first giveaway, and start showering me with comments!

And speaking of giveaways! Over at the design girl blog she is giving away OPI nail colors. Wouldn't that be perfect bundled with this soap?

Share the holiday season.

2009-10-25T09:49:00.001-05:00

By now I bet most of my readers are under the impression that I totally ignore the fall holidays. This is not true but all my spare time that is not devoted to celebrating the season are spent preparing for the Christmas season. In all truth fall happens to be my absolute favorite season.

I have been wondering what are Christmas traditions you have that don't involve sweets, decorating, parties, or gift exchanging?

For me that is charity. Each holiday I donate to toys for tots, grab a angel off the angel tree, or take food to the food bank. This may not be Opera at the Met, but I see this as a classy holiday tradition.

Throughout the year I regularly take supplies to Blue Star Mothers. But the holidays I focus on those less fortunate.

If you have never done this I highly suggest this become a yearly tradition. No matter how small the gift you will make a difference in someones life.

I still remember as a child how we would go select a gift or two to take to the Toys for Tots. And then my Aunt and I would take them and deliver them to a Marine. As we were selecting the toy and dropping it off we would talk about the importance of helping the less fortunate. I see this as an indispensable life lesson that has suck with me and shaped who I am even today.

In lean years I have often purchased my gifts at Big Lots or the Dollar Tree. Other years I have tried to get the latest and greatest toy. But every year I do something. After all something is better than nothing.

I find that I get the most joy from picking out a Angel to buy for.

I try to pick the tweens or teens (most people go for the little ones.) I like getting the teens so that I will know that somewhere someone is opening a outfit that will make them feel good about who they are - and how they look, even just for one day. I cant help thinking how great it was to get all the cool new clothes for Christmas when I was in middle school. How I would labor over what to wear on the first day back.

If you are a parent I would suggest you and your child(ren) select someone together at about their age so that they can help in this gift selection.

Today while sorting thru my blogs I follow on google reader I came across a post for Bloggers care: Operation Christmas Child. Which in truth is what spawned this post. I don't know if the is the avenue I will choose to support this holiday season but I wanted to share this link for a good cause.

If you have never participated in an anonymous gift giving program before I hope you will consider it. If you do please take a moment to share a story or thought. Or as I asked in the beginning, how do you celebrate the holiday season? What makes Christmas, Christmas for you?

religion - that topic

2009-10-22T13:04:00.005-05:00

As most of you know I was raised in the Disciples of Christ Church.

I went thru a time where I questioned church as a whole. I could not understand how someone could profess to be a 'christian' and yet have a affair, marginalize members of the church, or berate those who do not believe. Correct me if I am wrong but I was taught god is love. To be a christian is to behave in a Christ like manner.

Each time I cross paths with one of 'those' people. I feel the need to slap them.

Recently my husband categorized himself as atheist. This is something he feels the need to do. I understand. I was there. I followed a strain of Atheism and Agnostic repeatedly in the late 1980's and all of the 1990's. Oddly enough sparked by a church camp experience.

Growing up I saw parents spending ungodly amounts of money sending their children to private school to shelter them from the world so that they could be better Christians. I am sorry I don't think that there is a platinum Christian. We are all pretty equal. It is how we act that counts. How do you treat your fellow man? Do you honor the vows you made before god and all creation both on the day you were baptized and on the day you were wed? This is what makes you Christian.

Likewise I believe people will find faith, and faith will find people. Going out and metaphorically hitting a person repeatedly with the bible will only cause them to run the opposite way, quickly.

I see this largely in my peers, the ones who had religion thrust upon them are now still wrestling with their faith. Conversely the peers I have who were encouraged like I was to question the beliefs, explore others, and arrive at their own conclusion are the ones who are still active members of a faith based group.

I guess my plea is this. No matter the label you choose to wear in reference to faith practice being a good humanitarian. A good steward of the earth. Honor your family, stay true to your vows, and above all else respect yourself. There are few thing in this world I prize as highly as my integrity.

I win! I win!

2009-10-21T12:03:00.002-05:00

My good friend Lisa has started a new blog; the Coastal Chictster. So pop on over to the Coastal Chicster to get the latest thrifty stylish tips as well as some killer recommendations. To kick things off she just hosted a giveaway. And I won! I am so excited to recive the goodies I can hardly sit still! Now she has inspired me.

So to my loyal readers keep your eyes on the lookout! Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow but soon expect to see some giveaways happening RIGHT HERE.

Also keep an eye out for gift ideas on a dime, sadly those will start rolling our after the holidays due to the fact that many of my gifts are hand made too and I cant spoil a Christmas Surprise!

Driveby Sonata gigs Coming up!

2009-10-19T11:53:00.001-05:00

Just wanted to toss up a bit of info on the band goings on as of late.

Driveby Sonata has confirmed gigs for October and November. So please take a second right quick and mark your calenders for October 31st Freakers Ball at the historic Cains Ballroom and November 28th for Cancer Sucks also at the historic Cains Ballroom.

Both of these Grassroots local music festivals are staples of the Green Country Rock and Roll scene.

If you are planning to attend Cancer Sucks the band will be selling advance tickets. Please contact the band or shoot me a message and I will be happy to oblige.

Also if you plan to crash at our house please let me know asap so you will have a bed!

Cant wait to see you all!

iM laurie and iM a iMac.

2009-10-17T09:16:00.003-05:00

So, yesterday or e-machine died. My personal guess as to it's untimely demise is the enema that NCIS so kindly offered.

After careful consideration we elected to become Mac people.

So if any of my buddies out here care to share any software... ILOVEYOU!

Till then am going to procede with the tutorials.

checkin' it twice

2009-10-15T10:37:00.002-05:00

Last night, for the first time (ever maybe). Grant reviewed the christmas spread sheet.

Oh what a relif it will be to do gifts this year!

Not only did he rewiew the spread sheet, he even completed 10 gifts! I have now a total of 13 gifts DONE!

Way to go Hubbers!

humbled

2009-10-13T22:41:00.010-05:00

Today we laid Uncle Bud to rest.

I was honored by Rev. Dr. Thomas Schwartz to be included in this service.

Regulars to my blog know I do not expect much to come of what I put here. This is a way for friends and family near and far to keep up with the day to day observations. To get things off my mind when it feels like my head will soon explode. I expect little acknowledgment in this other than an occasional comment when something strikes a chord.

Today the blog I wrote of my Great Uncle's death was included in the eulogy.

To tell the truth I was gobsmacked. (I think I can honestly say I have never before felt the need to use this term). Pastor Tom told me as we were leaving for the church that he would be using it in the service.

In that moment I was humbled.

I do not feel that my brief tribute paid justice to the person my Uncle was. In order to do true justice this would involve a long drawn out story in true Reynolds Fashion (of which Bud was a master). But one thing is more than certain, he will be missed by many.

I hope I painted my Uncle in a way that we all will remember him. No one man is perfect. But my Uncle helped shape the life of so many people.

The service was fitting and 'full of all his friends', with the horse drawn hearse taking Uncle Bud to the cemetery pausing in front of his store one last time. It really was a fitting way to say 'good bye' to a man who meant so much to so many.

Ugh.

2009-10-12T10:46:00.002-05:00

I am feeling a bit of anxiety about Uncle Bud's funeral.

I am concerned that I may get a visit for a Ghost from the past is in the form of Darrell.

The last time a successful reconciliation happened was at my Granddad's funeral September 29, 1996.

I am worried he will try again. This time I will not be caught off guard. I am anticipating his moves.

Still this is a scene I would prefer to avoid. Often it is best to leave ghosts of the past in the past.

Raise your Glass to the Dear Departed

2009-10-09T17:58:00.003-05:00

Today has been a sad day for the Reynolds Clan. Our Uncle Bud passed on.

Not only is this a loss to our family but also to the city of Morris OK. When the Tornado in 1984 hit Uncle Bud's store (Reynolds Lumber and Hardware) was one of the few business that did not leave town. For all intensive purposes he was the towns life support.

Today My Great Uncle passed on.

This is a reality I am still coming to terms with. No matter how logically I know that none of us get out of this mess alive it just does not fit. Some people are more than a person, they are an institution. In a town of 1200 we are anticipating a large turn out at the funeral. As is true with any small town we do not have many locations that will hold so many.

My Uncle Bud was not necessarily a perky person. But for what he lacked in perky he more than made up for in compassion. I know of very few people who care so deeply for a community that they would stay only to prevent the town's death.

In hard times such as this I am so proud of my family. We are a large, tight knit extended family. When times like this come we circle the wagons. This is true now. We are all stepping in to make this work. This is what would make my Uncle proud.

To my relatives stumbling on to this, please help me in celebrating our Uncle's life. He was among one of the most generous people I know and he loved us all so very much. Now it is his time to move on and celebrate with those who have gone before. It is now up to us to keep this family together. Please lets not leave this to the next funeral. Our family is a rare and special gift (even if we do have our oddities).

To the rest of you please hug your loved ones and remember to tell them you care. The only thing certain in life is death.

This song is certainly not my Uncle's speed (he liked Elvis) but for me this is a fitting tribute. Here's to you Uncle Bud.

If

2009-09-29T08:49:00.003-05:00

I just wanted to share my favorite poem. Things are a little over whelming right now. Sometimes it helps to stop and meditate.

Rudyard Kipling

If

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

- Rudyard Kipling

Recap.

2009-09-28T11:46:00.003-05:00

So I went to the football portion of the 1999 reunion.

It was everything I expected. The 'popular' kids had not changed. I think I spoke to a total of 8 humans.

The funny part was hearing a former jock say "wow life really sucks since high school. I totaled my cool car, haven't got married, and don't have any kids." I found myself respecting that he was not trying to put on airs. This is just how things were.

More than a few classmates came up to talk to the old friends that I was chatting with. They would start up a conversation, then turn to me and say "did you graduate with us?" All the meanwhile I was wearing my letter jacket. I suppose one of three things is true (1) I have changed and they don't recognise me (2) They suck at remembering people (3) They were too self absorbed to notice others when we were in school. It was underwhelming. We left about a hour and a half in. It wasn't Romy and Michelle but to tell the truth it wasn't that awesome either.

I went. Lets just say I certainly hope the friends that did not go to this one will be at the 20. Maybe then it will be worth attending the reunion.

Jaded

2009-09-22T21:24:00.000-05:00

Your thinkin's so complicated
I've had it all up to here
But it's so overrated
Love and hate it
Wouldn't trade it

-Aerosmith

10 year reunion.

This weekend.

The itinerary is this: Football Game, Dinner at the Jenks Aquarium. All this for $80. As for me I am just going to the Game. I have been watching the RSVP's online very closely. Thus far I am not feeling all that compelled to attend. Especially not at $80 a head. From what I can tell the reunion will be mostly comprised of STUCO (student council for you non- BAHS folk) kids. This is a group I was never involved with.

To further add annoyance to this phenomena that is the 10 year reunion I am noticing a trend in the classmates that passed on. The only ones that are being listed are the popular kids. I emailed the moderator about this but it has not been taken care of as of yet so here I would like to add Donnie that passed in 8th grade, and Richard Winland that passed in the winter of 1997. They have added others that passed prior to graduation but not these two.

Now please do not get me wrong. I loved my high school experience and would not trade it for the world. None the less I feel it is too soon after high school for a reunion. Have we really changed that much since then? If a classmate wants to see me or contact me it is easy thru the wonders of the internet or cell-o-phone-o I am easily reached. But I really do not want to live out my own Romy and Michelle experience just yet. But I do know better than to claim I invented post-its.

I will be punking out early from work to attend the Homecoming parade. If you are going to be there please let me know, maybe we can catch up.

Otherwise for you - my classmates of 1999 give a holler some time we can chat over beer or coffee. I am not against seeing any of you but this reunion - its just not my bag baby.

Rendered Speechless.

2009-09-18T09:44:00.005-05:00

With out going into much detail I have had a rough and sad week.

A family member has shown such blatant disrespect to his parents safety and wishes I am at a loss. It is sad when a parent gives a child every opportunity to succeed and they throw it all aside for several decades.

Selfishness that could have been devastating and catastrophic was contained.

None the less damage has been done to the family fiber. This is a betrayal that cannot be forgotten.

I know this feeling.

10 years ago I pruned my own family tree. Even in times when it is the best thing to do it hurts to the core. I was the child, I can only imagine how a parent feels in this situation. I feel so bad for my family and so disappointed in this person.

I have had suspicions of this for some time. It kills me that I was right.

Being part of so many honorary families.

2009-09-14T09:19:00.003-05:00

All my life we have had friends that were so much more than friends, they were - and are family.

I have cousins, who aren't cousins. Grandparents that aren't Grandparents. Parents who aren't my parents.

This weekend has been a perfect illustration of this. This weekend was my "Grandpa Denton's" 80th birthday. Grandpa Denton was a close friend of my Grandad Biby

No only that my mother is best friends with Carla, Grandpa Denton's daughter. I am best friends with Alli Carla's daughter. Michael (Alli's cousin) is like a cousin to me - we all grew up together. We have so many shared memories like being a "Grandma Adair's" 90th birthday party and staling the sugar cubes. We couldn't have been any older than 5 at the time. And still when you put us together that is the first thing we say to each other. We are family - just as deep as any blood connection. When Grandpa and Michael were in a motorcycle accident we drove to Arkansas to be at their side. Micheal's dad died when Mike and I were young. 2 or 3. It troubles me that I have memories of him and Michael says he has none. My family attends so many of their family reunions I am convinced that most of the extended family thinks we are family members as well.

The other is my Cousin Joe's best friend Mike. Unitl I was in my teens I honestly thought Mike was a member of our family. Mike spends holidays with us. To us Mike and his family are family too. Mike's Grandmas funeral was the first funeral I attended. Now Mike's mom is batteling cancer. It is a saddening situation. She is having difficulty swallowing thus causing her situation to be dire. Please if you are of a praying variety keep this family in your prayers.

Homesick

2009-09-11T13:33:00.001-05:00

It is really weird that now we have moved home to OK and I feel homesick.

The weird part is I am now homesick for Florida and Virginia.

Mostly homesick for the haze gray way of life. Not the deployments, but the camaraderie and the safety that came with it. The friends who shared mutual feelings, goals, and beliefs.

You knew that parties were going to have lots of booze and tobacco. That's it. Someone might have their kid running the keg, but over all it was innocent drinking and fun. Nothing contraband. You took care of and looked out for one another. No worries.

I thought that after high school people had grown up/beyond drugs. How Naive.

Since that time I have discovered that is not the case. To be honest after 2 years I am still reeling. All ages still do it. It feels like outside of a military structure I cannot escape people who do not find these substances as boring, juvenile, and outright stupid. I do not view these people partaking in this to be stupid. I do see it as a choice they make. A choice I wish to not be involved in.

Please understand. I do not think I am better than any of the people making the choice to be involved with this. I do not feel I have any right to tell someone what they can or cannot do in their home. Likewise please never bring this into my home.

Also please understand. I am getting older. My health is more of a concern. I am more picky about where I place myself. I prefer bars that are nonsmoking. The same is true for homes I frequent. I am tired of smelling like ash tray perfume on the weekends.

I suppose I write this as a plea for understanding. I do not consider myself as a self righteous person, but I feel I am perceived that way largely due to my stance on this subject. This feeling has become both frustrating and tiring. This is after all my body, my only body. I cannot exchange if for a new one when functions decline. I must care for it. I already have knees that bear a strong likeness to rice krispys (snap, crackle, and pop). I am drinking less and working out more. If I want to stay a well oiled machine I require regular maintenance and to stay away from things that might dull my senses.

With Grants lifestyle changes come many of my own. We are in this together. We must help one another now so that our golden years will be just that, golden. I do not expect those around us to undertand, but please support us in this and respect our decisions as we do yours.

Proud to be a Cowboy - Proud to be a Oklahoman.

2009-09-08T20:57:00.003-05:00

After a absolutely astonishing weekend of Cowboy Football it is easy to say that we are the best School in the state. After many years of trial and error we have a solid football team to be proud of. Not since '88 has a Cowboy football season been met with this much anticipation. Our boys showed up, and they delivered.

I strongly encourage you to read this article by a Georgia Fan. This article fills me with pride in the way that we are treating our opponents. But also fills me with concern at some of the comments that follow by fellow OSU fans.

As proud as I am to be a cowboy I cannot allow this pride to detract from OU. As a Oklahoman I was worried for Sam Bradford in his injured state. He is after all a Oklahoman and we should be proud of him. I for one would like to see OSU take on OU with both teams at their best. I wish both of OU's players a speedy recovery.

The rivalry between OSU and OU is one of the deeper intrastate college rivalries I am aware of. Truth be told I was commonly heard saying "my two favorite teams are OSU and who ever the hell is playing OU". Today this is not true. Now please understand you will not see me trading in my Orange and Black for Crimson and Cream but I have found a way to live with and even cheer for OU.

Most of my friends are OU fans. They have come to the house to watch OSU take on Texas (the only thing a OU fan hates more than OSU is Texas). There will always be ribbing in Oklahoma between OSU and OU fans, but please understand both Schools have some bad apples. Our job is to not let them spoil the bunch.

Out rivalry is just that between two Schools. To me we keep that in Oklahoma. Once we are out of the state we are ALL Oklahoma. How we represent one school or the other is how the world perceives this state. Can't the OSU / OU rivalry stay just that. A fun good matured rivalry between to Great Oklahoma Schools.

Fake it till you feel it.

2009-08-31T14:26:00.003-05:00

Fake it till you feel it.

This is a mantra that has served me well over the last 5 or so years. It came as a rough patch of married life hit full force.

Over the years it has been used many times in many situations. Don't feel happy? Fake it - fake it long enough and you will feel it. It has been used routinely each job, weight loss endeavor, and social situation. It has become something I live by.

Each time life kicks me in the teeth I pick myself up and repeat, "Fake it till you feel it."

My advise to my friends is the same - tho I am not certain how often they take this to heart.

One Friend in particular, I wish she would grasp this concept and run with it. Put it to work as I have in all matters of life - self esteem, work, school, and family life.

I have found in life if I fake that everything is alright soon enough this is true.

"have you noticed"

2009-08-30T20:17:00.003-05:00

Have you noticed Grant is in a band here locally, if not let me issue a reminder. www.drivebysonata.com.

Friday marked the first gig since the reorganization and it was a successful endeavor. The crowd was good. The venue was exceptionally nice and clean. Driveby Sonata did GREAT! The band had great energy!

Here is some pics I took!

As a result I have elected to resurrect my old photography moniker 'laurie.ink photography'

I would also like to issue a GREAT BIG THANK YOU to the following: the Marquee for a stellar non-smoking venue, My Solstice for inviting DBS to play, and most importantly our friends for coming out and supporting DBS.

Now back to pricing cameras with better shutter speeds.

I did not send this, but I could have.

2009-08-29T22:29:00.000-05:00

what a week.

2009-08-28T10:28:00.000-05:00

End of the month at work.

Inspections at work.

House cleaning and prepping for visitors.

House guests.

Band DRIVEBY SONATA has the show Tonight.

On top of this Senator Kennedy passed. I finished a book by a Author I enjoy (Certain Girls by Jennifer Weiner).

Oddly enough this particular book by Jennifer Weiner was not as light as typically expect from her it is almost like when I went to see Pixars 'Up'. Between this, the death of senator Kennedy I have experienced a exceptionally weepy week.

To say this is uncommon for me is a severe understatement. I am not a sap or crier.

I have no idea what brought this on. But here it is.

Tonight is Grant's show. I have battery's charging and am very much looking foward to a eventful evening.

A sad day.

2009-08-26T08:58:00.005-05:00

We have lost our Liberal Lion, Senator Ted Kennedy.

No doubt his yesteryear is mingled with both positive and negative. As is the case for most of us. Indiscretions on Senator Kennedy's part caused a woman to loose her life. For this I make no excuses. But would suggest a pause to reflect on how many others have chosen to drive under the influence with no repercussion for this choice. Is drunk driving intolerable yes. Should this be the defining moment of this mans life? I for one suggest not.

I do believe this was a pivotal moment for Senator Kennedy. A moment where he chose to serve the public as his brothers did. His speech at the 1980 Democratic Convention sill resounds today. "For me, a few hours ago, this campaign came to an end. For all those whose cares have been our concern, the work goes on, the cause endures, the hope still lives, and the dream shall never die."

Kennedy did not accept this as a final defeat. He devoted his life to the service of the public. He worked tirelessly for health care and education reform.

Kennedy became a watchtower for negotiation and work ethic. I for one liken him to Churchill - another politician who never gave up.

Even in his final days he did not leave his post. Knowing the end was near Senator Kennedy asked the State of Massachusetts to reform the method in which a replacement senator would be chosen. In the state of Massachusetts you must wait 5 months before a special election can take place. Sadly reform did not happen.Senator Kennedy's seat will sit vacant for 5 months.

This is a sad day in America. The last prince of Camelot has passed. Our Lion has been defeated by a disease that as of yet has no true cure, no vaccination that can prevent this suffering.

The great adventures which our opponents offer is a voyage into the past. Progress is our heritage, not theirs. What is right for us as Democrats is also the right way for Democrats to win.

The commitment I seek is not to outworn views but to old values that will never wear out. Programs may sometimes become obsolete, but the ideal of fairness always endures. Circumstances may change, but the work of compassion must continue. It is surely correct that we cannot solve problems by throwing money at them, but it is also correct that we dare not throw out our national problems onto a scrap heap of inattention and indifference. The poor may be out of political fashion, but they are not without human needs. The middle class may be angry, but they have not lost the dream that all Americans can advance together.

The demand of our people in 1980 is not for smaller government or bigger government but for better government. Some say that government is always bad and that spending for basic social programs is the root of our economic evils. But we reply: The present inflation and recession cost our economy $200 billion a year. We reply: Inflation and unemployment are the biggest spenders of all.

-- Address to the Democratic National Convention, August 1980.

Mud, it is not just for pies.

2009-08-24T08:18:00.004-05:00

This weekend Grant and 'bino took part in the Tulsa Mud Run (eww).

I think at this point the boys may have gotten all the mud out of every nook and cranny in their body.

Gotta say even tho I did not run, I got muddy too. Mud was flying everywhere! The boys did have a good time and all proceeds went to the firefighter burn unit. This day marked 10 days since Grant quit smoking a 1/2 pack a day. Now he is a running machine! I would rather have a muddy husband than a chain smoking husband any day! Hooray for quitting smoking! I am so proud of Grant!

my life, a comedy of errors.

2009-08-21T08:58:00.005-05:00

It has been a week for change. My office has moved across town. About 20 miles to be exact. I am no longer in the building with my mechanics that I deal with several times a day. To the point that the Mechanics are a quarter mile away from me, in another building.

On move out day it rained. I packed parts till my feet hurt and my fingers were numb.

On move in day it rained, like tropical depression rained. As I was unloading my truck my pants got caught on my trailer hitch. I was holding the CPU and I was falling, nothing to be done. Falling. This is one of those moments that happens in slow motion. In a flash my Aikido and Derby training came into play. I twisted to the side, cradled that CPU and fell. Am I sore today? You bet. But the CPU survived and so did I. I was soaked to the core but relatively un hurt.

Today on lunch I took the plunge and joined Reed Community Center. I took aikido there practically a life ago. But for the gym they have a deal that is $20.00 for 30 visits. Today I ran a little over a mile in 15 minutes. If I can keep this up at lunch this will be a good change.

Plus the running and warming up the sore spots on my body felt really good. Anything is welcome after that little fall.

She's makin her list, She's Checkin it twice...

2009-08-17T20:51:00.003-05:00

The elves on loan from the north pole are getting ready to kick things to high gear.

Robyn and Franks gifts (cousins) have hit the 'half way mark' I have also been working on the tutorial for it AFTER Christmas.

Sara, Jessica, Aubry, Nicki's (all cousins) gifts are in planning phase one.

Ann, Aunt Carla, Aunt Cindy, and Aunt Barbara's gifts are well into the flushing out phase.

Chris (BIL) is getting started tonight.

Jocelyn, Kenny and Kellie, and Erin's gifts have been selected.

I know what I will be making Mom and My Mother in Law.

You will notice that it is the men in the family that I am having problems planning for. Please pass along any ideas you might have.

If you are on this list you might want to start considering if you have been naughty or nice.

just for fun

2009-08-13T22:59:00.001-05:00

I did this a few years ago. I would like to see how things are different now.

Real Quick go here: http://kevan.org/johari?name=JustLaurie and participate.

Urban Family

2009-08-13T22:18:00.002-05:00

If you haven't noticed I am in the process of updating the old blog. Weeding thru the labels, hopefully making it more user friendly. You may notice in the latest incarnation of this 6 year blog that I have often used, and reused the term 'Urban Family'. I wish I could take credit for it, however it is a term taken from a book / movie I hold dear to my heart. That book is Bridget Jones.

This term stuck with me in life. I use it to apply to the friends I have made who have become so much more than just a friend. The friends who I have fallen into a familiar and family like relationship with. For a few examples:

- Jess, who quickly became my much shorter twin (we even wear the same size shoes!) When the opportunity presents itself we are inseparable. Spending Holiday, Deployments, Nights and random experiences. We even finish each others sentences. She is also the only friend who has ever cared for me on a night of too much to drink.

- Mikendall, Jess's husband and source of sanity. Jess constantly tells me just how much Mike and I are alike. Those of you who only met me post 2005 would not believe it but I had zero knowledge of beer prior to meeting this guy.

- The Al's, a husband and wife duo of Alison and Al. Always ready to lend a hand, support, or a ear. We spent many a holiday with them as well. They turned me on to homemade tacos and guacamole. Just ask Al about the 'thunk thunks' sometime. He is funny when he is drunk.

- Scotty, aka my brother from another mother. The countless hours Scotty and I have logged arguing, cleaning house, hanging out, and comforting each other it is like we took turns being the older sibling. But always, no matter what we have been there for one another.

- the Kid (Aaron) and his brother Derek. These two alternate from being my kids to my little brothers. They had keys to the house, called me when things went wrong. I took care of them when they were sick. You mess with the kid and that brings out the Mamma bear in me.

- Erin the only Oklahoma friend to be with me on the East Coast. She has seen me thru it all.

This is simply not the end of the list, there are so many more of you I could list. Lisa, Kirstin, Drew, Maria and Larry. Each of you mean so much to me. I am forging new and different Urban Family relationships now, but really it will never be the same. Not better or worse. But as my east coast Urban Family - we really were all we had.

life altering changes.

2009-08-12T09:09:00.006-05:00

and no, I am STILL not pregnant.

Grant went to see the cardiologist. In short with out making drastic changes to our life Grant will likely be dead before he turns 40. At the end of his 20's this is a priority. I would like to keep him around for awhile.

What does this mean?

Reducing our salt intake - this is not a big problem in our house. We use pepper, not salt.

Grant MUST quit smoking. Ultimately this is in his ball park. I cannot help or control this in any way. I am at a loss as to whether to cheer him on in this endeavor or to simply keep my trap shut. From past experience we know this will make him irritable. This will be taxing on the both of us.

Daily monitoring his blood pressure in conjunction with blood pressure medication he will be on for a very long time.

Exercise. Not the silly iron pumping tan and jacked kind. The get moving and get your heart healthy kind.

Ultimately I am hopeful that this will end with both of us in a much healthier life pattern.

Oh Boy, or Family turmoil.

2009-08-10T11:56:00.004-05:00

I have something going on in my life at the moment I would like to share. However, I do not feel it is fitting or right to do so. You see someone in our extended family is dealing with some very sincere marital problems and unfortunately both parties do not have the best grasp on how to behave in this situation. This would all be well and good if there were not children involved. I could sit and know that it could get ugly but no-one would be emotionally scarred forever.

I have often mentioned the turmoil I experienced as a child here on my blog. It has served to shape the person I am today. One thing I know it has effected is how I as a adult behave in front of children. Hearing of fighting in front of a child or seeing someone directly mistreat a child will certainly send me over the edge. Sadly most parents do not share my view on this.

My only concern in this is for the children. I have had reoccurring dreams/nightmares that we end up adopting the kids and raising them ourselves. I really don't see that ever happening, but I just feel so responsible. Unfortunately my concerns are falling on deaf ears.

Please if you are a praying person please send up a prayer for these kids. If you are not into praying shoot them some good karma, vibes, happy dance or what have you.

crafting it up for Christmas

2009-08-06T11:38:00.003-05:00

Each and every Christmas I try to give hand made gifts.

I like to give them and I hope others like to get them. Each gift takes a minimum of 4 hours to make. Scarves typically are 8 hrs. When you think about the size of the family we exchange gifts with you quickly understand how Christmas shopping can easily get out of hand cost wise. Time coupled with cost is the reason I begin my Christmas planning and buying now. Actually I am a whole month behind.

Reason being I just have not had that one 'ah-ha' idea.

In the past I have made the following:
- Christmas Ornaments
- Scarves, I think everyone in the family save Chris and Grants Grandma have one.
- hand embroidered dish towels
- hand embroidered pot holders
- cookies
- hot cocoa mix
- Russian spice tea

Now I am looking for that one idea this year. Something fairly basic (especially if is knitting since I am not strong with knitting). Basic that looks nice is a total must. Preferably useful. I hate getting stuff that serves no purpose. Please send them my way. I need to get started ASAP.

- the 'no sew' blanket has already made the rounds with the family, so that is out.

tap tap tap

2009-08-05T13:04:00.002-05:00

Is this thing on?

I guess with classes starting soon and just life in general it is normal for readership to be down. For some reason I am in full blogging mode lately.

Recently it came to my attention that some bloggers are paid for reviews of products, by organizations to push a view point, or flat out paid to blog. To me this struck a chord.

My reasons for blogging are simple, or complex depending on how you look at it. I blog to keep friends up to date on my life. I blog to get thoughts in my head out. I blog to share a experience - be it positive or negative in hopes we can all learn from it. I blog for a reality check, that has at times been provided by you, my readers.

I have toyed off and on with the idea of adding some independent advertising from google or a other randomizing ad service. If I choose to do this I hardly expect to earn 2 dollars from it.

This past week I heard on NPR about blogging with integrity. After reading up on the Blog with Integrity Pledge, I took the plunge.

By displaying the Blog with Integrity badge or signing the pledge, I assert that the trust of my readers and the blogging community is important to me.

I treat others respectfully, attacking ideas and not people. I also welcome respectful disagreement with my own ideas.

I believe in intellectual property rights, providing links, citing sources, and crediting inspiration where appropriate.

I disclose my material relationships, policies and business practices. My readers will know the difference between editorial, advertorial, and advertising, should I choose to have it. If I do sponsored or paid posts, they are clearly marked.

When collaborating with marketers and PR professionals, I handle myself professionally and abide by basic journalistic standards.

I always present my honest opinions to the best of my ability.

I own my words. Even if I occasionally have to eat them.

You may have noticed the Blog with Integrity Badge under my photo. I did it. This pledge fits my views on life. Then I took it one step further. I added a disclosure, courtesy of I disclose DOT org that can be found at the bottom of each page. I left in the part about monitization just incase I ever decide to explore that route. I also decided it was time to post something about comment moderation, should that ever be required. Best to cover my bases before I get ambushed right?

I hope that my readers will value my transparency as I do in others. Also if you have not had a chance to browse some of the blogs I link to on the right I encourage you to do so. You will find authors, artists, musicians, philosophers, diy blogs, financial advise, and even some of my closest friends. I love finding a new blog to browse. I hope you do too.

Jingle bells, jingle bells

2009-08-04T06:33:00.002-05:00

It is that time of year again. Time to start my Christmas list.

Time to start planning who will get what.

If you are on my list and have any requests, best to get them in now.

Please remember I make my own gifts by hand usually. Each scarf takes 8 or more hours. Each tea towel about 6 hours.

I feel a bit like Pinocchio.

2009-08-03T20:49:00.001-05:00

I am a real life employee!

After temping since mid-Feb at SAI as of 8/3 I am an employee. At last the job limbo is over. I am elligeble for benifits. I know I will be here next week. Things are looking up!

Slip inside the eye of your mind

2009-08-02T20:30:00.006-05:00

My soul slides away
But dont look back in anger

I have been looking back over things from my past quite a lot lately.

Looking at things 20 years in the rear view gives an interesting perspective on my childhood. Knowing people for who they are today causes me to see things that happened very differently now. It is actually quite the conundrum.

You see the only person who actually holds the answers to these questions in their entirety will never divulge the truth. It is not in his nature. That person would be Darrell (for those of you just tuning in that is my biological father).

I was told as a child that my stepmother hated me. Darrell told me these things at 7 yeas old. What kid would question the words of the man who is supposed to love them and care for them above all else? I was afraid of her and even defensive. I constantly looked for evidence of this statement. Please understand my Stepmothers family was always (and still is to this day) so good to me. To me they will always be my family. Darrell and my Stepmother split when I was in the seventh grade. Aside from potentially loosing contact with my brother I was relived at the chance for the drama to end.

And here is where things get funny.

Darrell remarried. I have never been close to that woman, and do not refer to her as more than 'step mom # 2'. We may have interacted 5 times over as many years. Each time was awkward. Her family was not warm to me, this caused me to long for 'my' step - family. I was not comfortable in this situation but still I had hope that this woman would be kind to me. Maybe even like me.

Still the drama did not end.

It spiraled.

In a years time this woman and I hit a wall, no mutual respect. No boundaries of any kind. Things with Darrell became worse. Abusive language was commonly hurled at me. I don't know if it was me becoming a teen who would stand their ground rather than tuning into a sobbing mess of "Daddy I love you, Daddy I am sorry" was what sparked it, or if he got worse. Perhaps it was a combination of the two. By the time I hit 18 we were, and still are estranged. I expect this will not change.

I am pleased to report one change in my life. As Darrell and I grew apart I came to know my Stepmother as a person, a good person who loved and cared for my brother as only a mother can. At once I respected her for getting my brother away from that crazy man whose DNA we share. Over the last year I feel like we have began to forge a friendship. I still refer to her as my 'Step mom' (to tell the truth she is the only step mom I feel I have ever had). I don't honestly know how she feels about this, but I expect if she is reading this she will let me know. She is like that, out spoken - kinda like me (I like to think). I have come to see her in a very new light and have began to reexamine my child hood in my idle times. I simply find my mind wanders there. It is like this is my own personal rubix cube. Looking back I wonder if Darrell told her similar things about me to ensure we did not become close and he could be the only one we cared about when we were together as a family.

Honestly I will never know the truth. But I can say one thing for certain. If I had the chance to trade my messed up child hood for a normal one I wouldn't do it. Was it hard and often heartbreaking, yes. But the people that came into my life as a result are more than worth the pain. I have a PHENOMENAL baby Brother, step mom who is excited for me and my friends. This coupled with the rest of my family and my friends makes this life pretty damn good. At last I can not look back in anger.

Dont look back in anger
I heard you say

At least not today.

Oasis
Don't look back in anger

Its Here!

2009-07-31T13:45:00.003-05:00

Driveby Sonata will be taking the stage for the first time since the reorganization. You have listened to them on Z104.5 the edge. You have the Homegroan Album. Now it is time to see them live! See Driveby Sonata, My Solstice, A Good Fight, and Hector at Tulsa’s own Marquee Aug 28!

Tickets available at Starship and www.ticketstorm.com

striking a balance (or I am with the band)

2009-07-30T10:43:00.004-05:00

must behave
cant be tacky
must behave
cant be tacky

As the wife of someone in a band I want the band to succeed. I want them to get gigs. I want their music to spread. I want these gigs to be well attended. This means gigs to be well advertised.

But here is the kicker.
- I am not part of the band.
- I don't book gigs.
- I don't gather advertising materials.

All in all I have little control on any of this. Being a control freak this is hard for me. Please don't get me wrong. I do not want to be involved in any of the decision making process for the band but I do want things to flow smoothly. I have done this with derby so many times I know the ins and outs of merchandising and advertising. But this is not my baby. If you know me in real life you know it is hard for me not to swoop in and take over on a project I understand. This is the must behave part.

Sounds like I will be the merch girl. That's cool.

I will be the one who cheers the loudest at the gigs. Please join me so I don't stick out like a sore thumb. Please help me to not be tacky by being the loudest one there or Melanie and I being the only ones cheering.

Mark your calenders now.

August 28. The Marquee Tulsa. Time TBA. Cover TBA. Details forthcoming.

Its ok, I am with the band.

parents proceed with caution

2009-07-29T12:40:00.007-05:00

What you are about to read may anger you. This is not a blog intended for the person who will take this personally. This blog does not single out any one person or parenting style. This blog is being written for the purpose of airing a beef I have with 'parents' today. If you wish to continue reading please do so, but you have been warned.

I often hear my peers complaining about kids today having no respect for others. Having no manners. Having no common sense.

For the love of god shut up and do something about it. The kids today are learning by example. Whose example is a question we should review. Kids will mimic the way their parents behave when they are sad, angry, or frustrated. Often to an exaggerated degree.

Having worked both as a nanny and at the skating rink there are few parenting mistakes I have not seen. Here are a list of things I have noticed as a non-parent.

- tell your kid no. Kids need boundaries and will push until they find them. If they do not find these boundaries at home they will find them in the real world. Where would you prefer they learn this lesson?

- the television and video games are not a substitute for parents who will read to their child, play with their child, and talk to their child.

- structure. Kids need a set of routines to follow each day. wake up, brush teeth, eat at certain times, etc.

- manners. Kids are not born knowing manners. You have to teach them. Consistency is key. Please, thank you, and I am sorry should be staples of their daily speech. If they are not then for the love of god use this as a wake up call to fix it before it is to late.

- do not yell. Yelling does nothing except cause a child to turn their brain off or to yell every time they do not get what they want. Neither is desirable in a teen or adult. Once they start they will not stop if left unchecked.

- take your kids places with you, don't always leave them at home. Children will not learn to behave in public unless they are out in public being taught. Bring a book and take them to a meeting or friends house. Explain to them if they do not behave there will be consequences and then actually follow thru. If you do not it will happen over and over again. This child will embarrass you and themselves.

- your children do not need everything. Teach them to save at a early age and let them have the satisfaction of buying their own toys. I still remember buying my first barbie.

- do not ever over inflate your kids ego. Being proud of a child and sharing that feeling, rewarding them for a good job is one thing. Never tell a child they are superior to anyone else. If a child grows up always believing they are better than others they will crash hard when they fail.

If you do not have children but are around them regularly please keep these things in mind. It really does take a village to raise a well rounded child. So rather than bitching do something about it as the opportunity presents itself.

little girl, you dont know it but you just woke up this momma bear.

2009-07-27T07:00:00.009-05:00

I have spent the better part of this weekend thinking on just what to say about this situation.

After the way you have behaved I am ashamed to have ever called you friend.

Not only have you behaved in a self serving manner you simply did not have the integrity to step up like a adult and atone for your behavior.

Few of my friends do I feel such a need to protect. You have picked one of them. Someone who is selfless, caring and honest. Someone who is like a kid brother to me. Granted this person can take care of things himself but my friends do not stand alone. You took his love and accepted a ring from him in May. How could you do this if all this time you had been involved with another 'man'? You are a disgrace.

For the past several weeks I have kept my feelings to myself in hopes that you could see the error of your ways and mend the fences you had broken. Each night a dream comes to me, a dream where I snap your body in half to allow you to feel pain that you have caused others. None the less I have stayed silent aside from a plea for you to pull your head out of your ass. Yesterday it became clear that would not be the case. You truly had sold your soul. No more will I harbor hope for you. No more will I stay silent.

I hope the world will know you for what you have become. A coward. Weak. A hussy.

Little girl, when I say you have awoke the momma bear this is no joke. I am feeling rage toward you the likes of which I have only known for one other person. I say this once and only once. Should our paths cross it would be best for each of us to walk the other way. But I will leave you with this piece of wisdom.

What goes around comes around, and karma kicks us all in the butt in the end of the day.
Angie Stone

How will Karma treat you for this?

It's the perfect time of year

2009-07-20T13:52:00.004-05:00

Somewhere far away from here

If you haven't been paying attention or just plain know nothing about Oklahoma weather, is is balls hot here these days. Humidity in the summer here is just silly high, and with the heat is is plain stifling. This week we are getting a much needed reprieve from the triple digits and only maxing out at 95 or 96, this time of year this settles for a cold front.

Why anyone knowing this would plan a out door event on black top for this time of year is beyond me. None the less D-Fest is quickly approaching. As the mercury rises I find my self to be more and more reluctant to spend 4 days giving my self heat stress.

We took advantage of the lower temps (87F) this weekend by helping clean out my parents creek. Tractor tires have now been removed, god were they heavy. Afterwards the cats got a bath, and I took some time for myself to enjoy the hammock. So peaceful, so needed.

Harvest time is kicking in Porter peaches abound. The Cherokee purples are ripe for the picking - it is officially summer I have had 2 Bacon Tomato sandwiches with home grown tomatoes.. yummy. The food in the summer I swear is the only reason to stay for the summer - definitely not the weather.

Last week Grant managed to collect another concussion - for those of you at home keeping count this makes 5. The doctors checked him out, all is good there. Now it is off to the cardiologist to at last do something about this blood pressure issue.

Otherwise things are going well with us. Working, cooking, helping Grandma, and trying to stay cool while doing all of the above. Typical Oklahoma summer. I for one cannot wait for the fall.

This is it now, everybody get down.

2009-07-15T12:33:00.006-05:00

Don't you wanna go for a ride
Just keep your hands inside
And make the most out of life
Now don't you take it for granted

Life is like a mean machine
It made a mess outta me
It left me caught between
Like an angry dream I was stranded, I was stranded

And I'm steady but I'm starting to shake
And I don't know how much more I can take

This is it now
Everybody get down
This is all I can take
This is how a heart breaks
You take a hit now you feel it break down
Make you stay wide awake
This is how a heart breaks

Don't you wanna go for a ride
Down to the other side
Feels so good you could cry
Now won't you do what I told you
I remember when you used to be shy
Yeah, once we were so fine
You and I why you gotta make it so hard on me

And I'm sorry but it's not a mistake
And I'm running but you're getting away

I have discovered that when my Friends suffer a heart break of a similar variety to one I have, not only do I know how they feel - I share in their pain.

At this moment I have friends whose family members are in grave conditions. Friends worried where the next income will come from. Even a friend reevaluating a relationship as I once did.

It kills me how at times people can hurt one another so needlessly. How utterly selfish some people can be. People who you know are good people who keep making the same mistake time and again. Putting relationships in jeopardy. Sacrificing their identity for what?

I have such hope for my friends, it hurts so deeply when they are in pain. It hurts even more when it is caused by someone we care so much about.

If you are reading this and it seems to be about you, it likely is. No one person is beyond repair. But only you can do that.

A blog, years in the making..

2009-07-14T11:12:00.006-05:00

Every time I see this bumper sticker one single thought dashes across my mind.

Aren't you ashamed?

This question leads to so many others that hit me in rapid fire succession. It has been 5 years, why haven't you removed it? Did you not support McCain. Why did you support W? Are you ashamed at how the world sees us as a result of his behavior? Do you like the way he treated Americans? Why is this bumper sticker still on your vehicle?

These are questions I am likely to never lend a voice to. But suffice to say if I am cut off in traffic by someone proudly displaying this sticker I am likely to utter 'figures'.

quick reminder

2009-07-14T11:10:00.002-05:00

I will not be cross posting my workout stuff to this blog. I figure not everyone will be intrested and it is best to keep the two seprate. For that info please follow the link to the right --->

Nervous excitement.

2009-07-06T09:47:00.004-05:00

Well, Tomorrow I start Zumba Class.

I am so nervous. I admittedly haven't really worked out in the last 2 weeks. I know I will be quite sore. Fortunately I have a nice big clean tub in which to soak.

From what I watch and read it is like step aerobics. I hope so, I loved step aerobics.

Laurie and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week

2009-06-30T08:41:00.004-05:00

Car problems, car issues don't even begin to cover this week.

In the course of one week we have experienced 3 unrelated doozies.

Tuesday June 23 - Grants Mazda 626 will not go into any gear. Great. Transmission trouble. Get under the hood and discover that it is the plastic piece that connects the shifter to the transmission is gone - shattered. We are able to fix it with spare parts dad has lying around.

Thursday June 25 - I am in Okmulgee in my Blazer. I get in the car to head home - no juice, no start. Try to jump it off Grandmas station wagon, no dice the negative pole is UNDER the firewall. Oi! Call AAA. They jump it - life should be good, tow truck driver ASSURES me that by the time I hit BA it will have charged up. I don't believe him, I have been in this situation before. Guess what I cant get it to restart once I get home. Work on it till 1AM. Cannibalize the Vega for a battery to get to work. Buy a new Battery Friday. $80.00

Monday June 29 (Anniversary) - I work late, realize I need gas, since the fuel gage has been broken for 3 years I just put a full tank in every 300 miles. Hop back in the truck to head home. Truck tries to stall, I go a mile and it happens again as I try to merge on to 169S, then it backfires. I make it the 20.0 miles from the gas station to my parents drive way with 2 more almost stalls. Get into the drive and it dies. No gas - no moving. After much diagnostics it is the fuel pump $400.00. Coincidentally the fuel pump also has the gas gage parts attached to it, this is why it is so expensive. Even better news, I must drain the gas tank (17gallons) to repair the truck. Oh, and I did not get to spend the evening with Grant.

7

2009-06-29T12:46:00.003-05:00

7 deadly sins?
7-Up?
7 pounds?
7-11?

Nope, 7 years.

7 years ago at about this time I was walked down the aisle by my Uncle Richard Allen. A brief ceremony began, followed by a lighthearted reception.

And it was time to start a new chapter. The wedding was over, I was married.

No regrets, everything has happened for a reason. The bad times have made us stronger. The good times would never be traded for anything.

My heart is with the people of Iran

2009-06-26T11:00:00.007-05:00

Please note, I say people. I do not name a political candidate, nor do I single out the government. My heart is with the people.

My heart has been with them so long as I can remember. As a child I feared what would happen to the people of Iran. You see - my family, we had friends there. Friends who feel like family. We prayed for safety and peace in Iran nightly. Our friends were well off, at one time had ties to the Shah. Once the Shah was overthrown we prayed for our friends safety. We had met them when Bagher came to the US to study Architecture. He was the room mate to my uncle. One year later he returned with a bride, Nahid. Bagher and Nahid spent weekends, holidays and daily life with my family until the time came for them to return to Iran and start a family. Once there they could not return to the US - for over 20 years they waited for a safe time to visit. This time did not come. It was not until 1999 when they moved to Canada that we were able to see them and for me to meet them for the first time. The day I met them face to face I knew - these people were more than friends - they were family. The boys, they are almost like brothers to me. My husband has come to know these people as family as well.

I eagerly awaited Iran's election, as I do every American election (what can I say, I love watching politics in action). Since the time that the result was announced I have watched these events unfold. I have seen the recount denied, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei declare Ahmadinejad victorious and the scenes that came after. People detained after silent protest, women and men shot for peaceful assembly, security forces beating protesters with clubs. Each of these thing I have seen only by grainy footage shot by cell phone and sent on in hopes that the world would see. All press has been shut down, only the will of the people of Iran brings this to us.

At last the people of the west are seeing the people of Iran as I do. As people, people just like you find in England, Germany, or America. People who deserve a voice that has been denied to them too long. People who have been so utterly over looked by the world at large it is maddening.

For to long the government of Iran has done as it pleases with no regard for the people it governs. This situation is about to be put in check. For the first time in my life time I can say, the world is in fact watching, the WORLD not the leaders the people of the world. This will not be forgotten. The Angel of Iran will not be forgotten - Neda how fitting a woman whose name means 'voice' in her native tongue should be the one who gives voice the injustice of this.

I await a resolution, one that I fear is far off.

My heart is still with the people of Iran.

dayqil / nyquil - ZOMBIE

2009-06-24T14:25:00.003-05:00

I am of the firm opinion that having a cold in the winter is far better than having a cold in the summer. The summer heat mixed with a stuffy nose just plain sucks.

Lucky for Grant and I we are in the process of dealing with this monster.

Cold meds do weird things to me. Dayquil makes me feel like a zombie, I type EVERYTHING wrong on the first try. I am dizzy, and just generally BLAH.

And to put the icing on my week the transmission in Grants car is failing to engage. So last night I was out in the hot garage trying to deal with that. Today will be more of the same.

bah humbug.

Calling all books

2009-06-19T12:57:00.003-05:00

I am currently working on my summer reading list. Please send me suggestions! I do have some requirements.

- no religious reads,
- must be light hearted (I read what I will readily admit is fluff lit in the summer, and summer ONLY. heavy stuff I read in the winter to further define the fluff statement if it is something a teacher would assign I will not read it)
-must be out in paperback because I abuse the hell out of my books.

So there you have it - send me some suggestions. My hammock is begging for use!

a funny thing happened .....

2009-06-18T10:10:00.001-05:00

It hit me this week.

Since the start of my derby retirement I have found one thing to be true. As each day passes I hate my cell phone less and less.

Now don't get me wrong, I am still not a fan of the damn thing. However I am far less likely to verbally assault the air at the slightest chirp it makes. Today's project may be reevaluating ring tones for something a wee bit calmer to help with this shift.

I really think with derby I was just feeling too - responsible, stressed, and tired. It was hard to see at the time. I still love the sport, but some things are better loved at a distance. Just like bears.

Some times you can care so much about something that it consumes you (Pun intended). It starts to almost become your identity, not a part of your personality. At this time I am fighting to once again find my identity. A well rounded representation of who I am. My personality finger print.

big happenings at our house!

2009-06-17T17:45:00.003-05:00

and no, I am not pregnant.

Grants band Drive By Sonata has been selected to be on the 2009 Edge Tulsa Homegroan Album as track #3. w00t!

make mine a double

2009-06-16T13:26:00.003-05:00

Two days in to this week and it is just not working out so well.

I don't know why. I have had a headache daily. No real reason tho. Just something feels off.

Maybe I thought my feng shui was off and a little rearranging of the house would help. Maybe I am just crazy. But last night at 9pm I got the itch to rearrange the guest room/library. Moving about book shelves - not a small task (even if they are small shelves). I don't know why I did it.

Today a steady diet of BC cocktails (sprite + bc powder), comfortably numb (pink floyd), and if I ever leave this world alive (flogging molly) are the only things getting me by. If things dont improve expect me to be involved in many more erratic cleaning fits as well as erratic working out. Somthing has gotta give. Lord knows I am the only one who will make that happen.

I love my husband.

2009-06-10T09:46:00.004-05:00

Really, I do.

Husbands are a curious lot. Days pass where you simply want to throttle them for one reason or another. You never stop loving them, often you find the term 'what the hell' dashing across your mind interchangeable from positive to negative. Still they manage to catch you off guard - cause a pause, even a smile.

Yesterday was a prime example.

G rented a movie. Watched it with out me. Called to let me know it was there and that I was welcome to watch. He was concerned about me watching it. Not for graphic or vulgar content. His concern was grounded in my intense fear of needles. Evidently the movie has some lengthy shots of injections. My best guess is he was worried I would pass out and no one would be there to care for me. I felt so loved in that moment, so grateful he is my husband. I love my husband, really I do.

yep, thats it, I did it.

2009-06-08T12:17:00.003-05:00

For those of you who thought I would not follow thru I would like to inform you that I did it.

I retired from derby.

I am now off from the rink for the summer, save a possible reappearance Aug 9.

Life is looking pretty calm for the warm months. What a relief!

Left Holding the Bag

2009-06-03T11:13:00.004-05:00

Yep, it happened again. I am left holding the bag.

One thing you need to know about me if you dont know this already. If I tell you I will do somthing. I will do it. Period. I have made a commitment.

All too often I am reminded that others do not value thier word and integrity like I do.

Way back in December I made the commitment to be the Captian for Relay For Life. Since that time I was laid off, found a new job, and picked up a few side jobs along the way. Life became more complicated. I chose to retire from derby, but knew I had made a commitment that I must see to the end date. This is why I announced my retirement 6 weeks ago. Even derby reirement somthing that would make my life a little easier was put on hold because I gave my word.

Today I learned that my co-capt will be extending her vacation past the date of relay. Now all relay responsibility will be resting firmly on my shoulders. The fun part now is adjusting my friday to accomidate being in two places at once.

I’ve been livin' in fast forward, now I need to rewind real slow

2009-06-02T14:24:00.004-05:00

Last night after work I went straight home.

Grant went out side to water the plants and check the peppers. While he did that I fed the Turtles and the plecostomus. The turtles are red eared sliders and I have named them Pinky and the Brain. Pinky is the little light green active turtle. The Brain is larger and less active. The Plecostomus is named Clossamer.

As we watched the turtles swimming in the pond and eating we both settled in on the hammock for a hour and a half to talk and relax. The gentle sounds of the waterfall were a nice tempo. As we were lying there we saw a dove, a few finches, and could even hear a Owl. It was such a peaceful relaxing way to unwind. This is what I have been missing and have been needing.

When a outlook on life changes.

2009-06-01T06:46:00.007-05:00

The past few weeks have brought on some unexpected changes, a sense of calm almost serenity.

Over Memorial weekend I went with Jocelyn to DFW. While there we took Ayla and Matt (my baby brother) to Six Flags over Texas.

For those of you reading who do have siblings and were fortunate to grow up with them in your life, please consider your selves lucky. To see my brother is a rare treat, and this time in TX is the longest I have spent with him in 15 years. We were together 14 consecutive hours! The time we spent together was just so fun. When we took Matt home I had the chance to sit and talk with Susan (Matt's mom and my first step mom). At the age I am now I can see just how much having Susan in my life made me the person I am today.

I have never wanted to force a relationship with me on Matt. Ultimately I have just wanted him to be happy. We share such a demented and complicated father that I am grateful Matt only has a single memory of him. All along I have wanted to prevent Matt from having the same tumultuous childhood I had.

Next week my baby brother will turn 16. I hope our relationship will grow stronger over time. I hope he can understand why I have kept my distance.

Since seeing Matt and Susan I feel more certain of the path I have made for myself. I feel more assured of where we (Grant and I) are going. Grant will be going back to school in the fall, and we will be just fine.

My last bout as a roller derby ref was last night. It was time, I have no regrets. I was informed that I am not needed at the rink over the summer. This is opening me up for more time with my Grandma, for which I am grateful. This gives me more time for Grant, My friends, and My family. More over this is giving Grant a chance to finish his education, and me the time to assist in any way I can. At last I feel like I can return to being me.

You, or someone you know has fought cancer

2009-05-26T22:59:00.003-05:00

Help Me Find a Cure.

Once again I will be leading the Team of Green Country Roller Girls as we raise money to fund the cancer research. Please consider donating to this cause. We all know someone at risk or someone who has fought this fight. Now is the time to find a way to end this disease.

I almost feel like Julia Sugarbaker.

2009-05-26T13:52:00.007-05:00

Today I had it. Today I saw another waste of government funds. I had it. I sent to following to mayor Kathy Taylor.

I am not a city of Tulsa resident however, I do work in Tulsa. Daily I eat my lunch in the parking lot of a Tulsa City Park. On many occasions I have been shocked at the waste of city time and supplies. In a time when the city is looking at layoffs, hiring freezes, and wage cuts I feel each employee should be working to save as much money as possible. I have seen city of Tulsa trucks full of young men pull up, unload 6 young men who then pick up garbage for 5 minutes and then walk to the covered picnic area to lie on the benches for the remainder of my lunch. I hope at this time they were on break and not being paid for this loafing. In this same park I have seen different city vehicles sitting idle with engines running while the driver consumed his lunch. One incident happened on the City’s first Ozone Alert day. Speaking for myself I cannot afford to burn gas for an entire hour simply because I did not want to be warm. I sit daily in this park with my engine off and windows rolled down. In a economy such as the one we face we must count every penny. As my Grandfather once said “Take care of the pennies and the dollars will take care of them self.” I wonder if these city employees realize that each dollar they waste places the job security of each city worker in jeopardy. I care about the City of Tulsa and want it to be a safe place to live and work. For this to happen we must have a larger law enforcement community, if we can save one job in looking at wasteful spending I feel it is worth it.

here is what was returned to me, wonder if anyone will read what I wrote.

Mayor Taylor appreciates hearing your observations, concerns, suggestions, compliments and/or complaints concerning the present and the future of the City of Tulsa.

Your information has been registered with the mayor's office and assigned tracking number 578856.

Sincerely,
MAC Staff/sah

Yes Julia Sugarbaker would have used more color in her rant, enjoy NPR's Julia Sugarbaker mad libs.

I would rather spend two hours sharing spinach dip with Al Capone than watch a woman who apparently purchased her intellect at the dollar tree for one dollar plus tax chase twenty-five men with biceps made of titanium alloy and heads packed with rice krispies.

Because when future generations look upon what we have left for them, which may by then be little more than economic black hole and millions of non-biodegradable i-phones, I fear they will conclude that they would have welcomed bread and circuses if only they had realized the alternative was a six dollar burger and American Idol.

[sits down and crosses arms, but then immediately stands back up]

And let me tell you a little something about romance: Handing out roses like you are a mascot throwing skittles to the assembled hooligans at a hockey game is not my idea of romance. Romance is a man who knows the difference between John Smith and John Travolta and who is capable of putting on his shoes without scratching his head as if he is connecting a dvr without the instruction manual.

So do not ask yourself why I do not particularly enjoy a television show where the assembled male candidates represent romantic prospects inferior to the workers on the night shift at the Crystals in Pungo. Ask yourself whether, after a lifetime playing with a cultural Simon says and dancing on the grave of Jane Austen, you will ever...recover...your dignity.

Long Week, Month, Year.

2009-05-18T10:29:00.003-05:00

Whew,

After this last week I just feel beat, tired, and ready for the next few weeks to pass quickly.

As you may know I am retiring from derby.

This weekend I reffed one of my final bouts. It confirmed for me that it is time for me to retire.

With all the goings on this weekend. (Rink lock in, Mayfest, Working Sat, make - up mothers day with Grants Family, Chruch, Fellowship dinner, helping Grandma, and the bout) I just feel like I did not even have a weekend.

The lawn needs mowing, and I just want to lie in the hammock and relax.

In the farming / gardening front we seem to have taken on quite alot. We are up to 4 tomato plants, 3 peppers, spearmint, and citronella plants (x5). Will I never learn about too much of a good thing?

Mothers Day

2009-05-08T15:37:00.003-05:00

I would be remiss to mention mothers day and fail to mention all the other mothers I had in my life.

Don't get me wrong, my mother taught me compassion, raised me around nature, and encouraged me in every endeavor. My mother was the best mother she could be. When life got in the way she relied on others to teach me. I think this makes me a stronger person and I am grateful for it. Often in high school I was left to my own devices. I am glad I had this chance, and that I was adult enough to care about doing right.

My Grandmother taught me how to be a strong, political, and vocal woman. She nurtured my love of books, art, and anything else that seemed to cross my path. Isn't that what grandmas do? Dinner discussions of politics and life were encouraged.

Liz's mom taught me the importance of hashing out what is on your mind rather than sitting and letting it stew. A successful marriage is one where the cards are on the table. This same woman taught me the value of prioritization. You must do this before this, etc.

Jamie's mom was up and waiting each night when we would come in. I cannot tell you how nice it was to come in from a night out with friends, walk in the door and have someone offer chicken nuggets and ice cream with homemade butter pecan sauce. It was nice to know that someone was waiting.

I have often said I think it takes a village, I know I am greatful to mine.

After hearing a interview on NPR with Amy of Ask Amy, this book sounded alot like my childhood.

My friends say I should act my age.

2009-05-03T12:58:00.001-05:00

Whats my age again, whats my age again?

Working at the skating rink has caused me to wonder what age I truly appear. The kids that work there tend to think I am in my mid 30's to early 40's. Now I will be the first to admit that working with teens does make me feel very old and out of touch. The things they do, say, and text freak me out. When I was their age I swear I was not this 'active'. Hell half the things that happen were so far off my radar that I had no idea anyone was doing these things.

Recently I had two interesting incidents:

Friday I was asked for 'motherly' advice by a tween girl, simply because I look like 'the mothering type' (her words, not mine). This really caught me off guard. Really? How do you look like a mothering type? Evidently she had loaned out her cell phone (with out telling her mother) to her boyfriend of 2 weeks with the understanding that he would return it to her at the rink. Naturally this did not happen. For the life of me I cannot understand why these kids need cell phones. Particularly a nice cell phone with Internet and texting. It was not long ago parents were putting cyber nannies on computers to keep kids away from predators, who monitors the cell? But I digress.

Saturday I was accused of being a 'teenager' with a 'teenage attitude' by a father (his words, not mine). I am still unsure how to process this one. I haven't been a teenager in almost a decade. Do I look like a teen? I dress the same as the managers, not the teens who work concessions / floor guards. The funny part is that I had no contact with this parent prior to this. It had become clear upon this persons arrival that they would be a problem. When this happens I choose to default to a member of management staff to deal with them. It is pretty sad when you are so self centered that you cannot stop having the world revolve around you and try to keep your chid's birthday party a conflict free event.

Over the course of 12 hours I had aged backwards nearly 10 years. Perhaps I am the curious case of Benjamin Button (not that I have any desire to see that movie).

I'm just a little black rain cloud.

2009-05-02T11:42:00.001-05:00

So, back to that bad Granddaughter Status.

March 31 my Grandpa on my biological fathers side had a pacemaker put in. I went and visited him in the hospital. I promised I would keep in touch / call. Would stop being a stranger.

Now here we are, the first part of May.

Have I called? Have I written? No. Do I have a good reason? No. Do I know what I will do next about this? No clue. I am just sitting here with this perceived obligation looming over my head.

Oh the farmer and the cowman should be friends.

2009-04-28T21:52:00.010-05:00

Ahh the title of the song I sang and danced to in the musical OKLAHOMA my senior year. I have always considered myself from the cowman camp. But this year we are trying something new.

Grant and I are farmers, ok not farmers. Gardner's and that is gardner's with a little 'g'. Looks like this year at our house we will have 4 tomatoes (Cherokee Purple, Brandy wine, Chocolate Cherry, and Early Girl) and at least one Habenaro (chocolate habanero). And I am giving it a shot with the topsy turvy planter. Now since I have planted all heirloom tomatoes they must be planted 10' apart, best solution I could come up with was hanging them on the death trap that doubles as a fort in our back yard.

Last year I gardened (also with a little 'g') but it was only a beef steak and grape tomato. Both of which I planted in the shade. Grant wanted nothing to do with my tomatoes last year. He promptly declared I was going to kill them and that this was a bad idea. I only got about 10 tomatoes total off the both of them. Hopefully that will work out better this year!

This year in addition to the small gardening we are doing at our house mom has put in a large Garden at her house. Notice Garden with a big 'G'. She has onions, peas, tomatoes, lettuce, squash, okra, green beans, water melon, and peppers. I am sure I will do most of the looking after of her Garden as well.

If you are gardening as well I would love to hear about it. I believe more people are gardening this year than ever before in my lifetime. But for now I will leave you with some Aunt Eller wisdom.

I don't say I'm better than anybody else,
But I'll be danged if I ain't just as good!
-Aunt Eller

Struck Scarred in 1984

2009-04-26T11:21:00.003-05:00

It's a twister! It's a twister!
- Zeke
The Wizard of Oz

Morris, Oklahoma. My hometown. A place of fond child hood memories involving big band music, ice cream socials, and cake walks. And yes this was in the 1980's. Morris was a place sheltered from the world. Doors were left unlocked. Stopping by the neighbors for tea or lemonade was normal. Directions were given in terms of go to the four way turn right and then turn at so - and - so's house and you are there. Every adult looked out for every kid. When you hear older generations talking about needing to behave in public or risk as paddling at every house on the way home, this is the world I grew up in. Simply put a slower pace.

1984

April 24 - My Great Grandma Reynolds had just come home from the hospital after suffering from a stroke, her tulips were in bloom. We went down to see her then Granddad Reynolds took us out to the garden to see the tulips, bright colors of red, yellow, and a red/orange were every where. It was beautiful. The local news paper editor saw us out there and took photos for the paper.

April 26 - I was 3 years and 34 days old. In less than one hour Morris changed. A F3 comprised of 3 sisters (three tornadoes twisting around each other) hit the center of town (I have heard talk from meteorologists stating that under the EF scale what we saw may have been a EF5). My parents were in OKC that night and I was staying at my Grandma's in neighboring Okmulgee. Okmulgee is a city on a hill - we watched the tornado from the front porch. Since that night it is like my memory is on hyper drive. I remember the bulldozers demolishing the remains of the city. The tulips in ruin. Playing on pieces of linoleum lying recklessly in the yard that had been our family home - the house my Granddad (Pap) had been raised in, the house I came home to after I was born, the hose that fell victim to the tornado while my Uncle and his dog Boots were inside. My parents home survived - only thanks to the many native pecan trees that towered over it sheltering it from the storm. I remember the feeling of the town after being placed under Martial law.

Exactly one year later a second tornado hit Morris during a candle light vigil at the high school parking lot.

In Morris we only have two time frames - before the tornado, and after.

In elementary school students only drew and painted tornadoes. Mine were always the same - a dark black wall cloud, a funnel, and tulips of red, yellow, and a red/orange.

After the town was never quite the same. Families did not return and rebuild. All the shops and stores left, save one. My Great Uncle's business "Reynolds Lumber and Hardware". Sadly the ice cream socials dwindled as did the big band nights, now they are no more. By the late 1980's drugs had begun to take hold of this broken town.

It has been 25 years. And yet to each who lived it is yesterday.

Happy Earth Day

2009-04-22T13:45:00.002-05:00

It is the start of spring here in OK. Spring and fall are my favorite seasons. I like to drive around with the sun roof open and the windows down. I love the smells that come with theses seasons. For fall the crispness of the air, the smell of leaves being crunched. Spring brings mowed grass, storms moving in, and honeysuckle. I love these smells, just like a lab rat looking for crack I am drawn to them, even if they are not good for me. How can these not be good for me you ask. Simply put allergies. My eyes turn red, itch, and water. My nose becomes inflamed and begins to drain causing me to sneeze and blow my nose uncontrollably. Does this curb my appetite for these smells? Oh hell no. I just snort down some prescription meds and continue on my merry way. Got to enjoy what mother nature gives us. All too soon it will be ozone alert days, 118 every day and humid. And the worth of a parking space will be determined by how much shade is offered and not by the proximity to the door. Blah

And speaking of mother nature today is earth day. Time to think about litter, carbon foot prints, recycling, and the ozone.

Carbon foot print / recycling I need to improve this. It does not help that recycling is not nearly as convenient as it was in VA. When they picked up the recycling at the curb along with the garbage. I enjoyed sorting the bottles / cans / paper. Why oh why cant you do this too BA? Tulsa does!

As for the ozone, I don't drive the Vega on ozone alert days. I also don't mow. I try not to leave the house. I choose not to buy aerosol products. I try, right?

Litter - I am a self titled litter bug. But do I really litter?

Daily I sit in a local park and eat my lunch, and take in a little NPR. Lunch typically consists of a sandwich and either fruit or carrots. With the carrots as I come across one that does not have great flavor or still has the stem attached I toss it out the sunroof. The same goes for apple cores and banana peels. The way I see it - all these items are biodegradable. Animals can eat them and not get ill. I am helping to feed nature. Just yesterday I saw a bunny enjoying a recently discarded carrot. By the same token you are likely to see these items come flying out the window (only on the side where there are no cars) as I am driving down the road. These days I would never carelessly discard a styrofoam cup or container on the side of the road - that is just wrong. During my rebellious teen days I was a true litterer, but only in areas with a adopt a highway sign. I was a rebel with a conscious. You see my mother is a bit of a nature / recycling advocate. My way of rebelling was to not follow in those footsteps, sort of. So you be the judge - is biodegradable litter still litter? Likely your verdict will not change my mind, but I would like to read it.

10 years

2009-04-20T00:52:00.003-05:00

10 years since 1999
10 years since my senior year
10 years since the STUCO blood drive
10 years since Columbine
10 years since the school evacuations
10 years since wild accusations
10 years since empty threats and hollow fear
10 years since BAPD guarded the senior assembly from every door and hall
10 years since we changed
10 years since I chose to not live my life in fear

Some world events shape your life, some days in history you will never forget where you were or what you were doing. For me these days start at Clinton's first inauguration, OKC bombing, Diana's death, Columbine, 9/11, and most recently Obama's election.

I would say Columbine shaped me in so many ways I face my life. It was my senior year. I had just walked into my English lit class and it was on the TV. The weeks that came after lead to how I face tragedy to this day.

I watched as my school was threatened that the same would happen to us. Parents called their children out of class for their safety. My friends who were not 'normal' - who dressed differently were targeted as the ones fueling this fear. I saw each of them being sent to the office to face a battery of questions. In tenth grade I had a history teacher who brought to life the Red Scare, then my junior year I had stage managed our production of Aurthur Millers the Crucible. To me this was the same injustice.

I clearly remember the blood drive where the entire school was evacuated because of a bomb scare. We all sat out on the baseball field while BAPD SWAT searched each room. I felt like a sitting duck - I wanted to leave. Then a week later was the final assembly of the year, the senior assembly. It had to be rescheduled due to a threat, and the BAPD was standing at each door fully armed, parents would not allow students to attend school - fear was the predominate feeling. I was given the option by my mom to miss school, I declined. The pep assembly was quiet, almost silent. We had to sit with our teachers like we did in elementary school. The end of the year pep assembly had been such a riot my junior year, this was such a let down. I made up my mind that day that I would never allow fear to prevent me from living my life. This is a theme that has resurfaced, first at my graduation, then 9/11, and during my time as a navy wife.

Now the students at my school wear id badges around their necks, I can only imagine so many other things have changed since then. I hope that Columbine taught the larger 'us' more than how to live in fear, I hope someone other than me can look back on this and say it shaped who they are for the better. So many lives were lost.

What a weekend!

2009-04-19T22:06:00.002-05:00

I made the announcement Friday. I will be retiring from derby, effective June 8.

Working 2 jobs and derby was taking too much time away from my family - and as a result stressing me out. I always said if it ever came to the point where derby was effecting my life with my family derby would loose.

It is time to slow down, take a deep breath, and RELAX.

I wont be disappearing entirely, I will likely become a rabid fan, or announcer.

The weekend was simply packed to the gills with friends and family. What more can I hope for? Saturday we attended a book signing for the book of Grants late (1965) Grandfathers poetry. I was more than a little confused as to how a author who has been dead over 40 years would sign the book. Little did we know that Grant and his Dad would be doing the signing since he did the data entry and his father compiled the poems. While we were there I played with the dogs, a Germain Sheppard, Anatolian Sheppard, great Pyrenees, and 2 Pitt bulls. We went home and Grant crashed out.

Dinner brought a happy event, I had dinner with Rose (a very dear friend from my sophomore year at OSU) and her husband Justin (incidentally I sold rose to Justin at a date auction - this led to their first date), Kathy (Justin's mom), and the Hobbits. Girl Hobbit is 7 now (I was there when she was born), and Boy Hobbit is 5 (I saw him when he was about a week old). Dinner was great and the kids are sooooo cute! It seems like every time Rose comes to Tulsa she brings a torrential down pour, this time was no exception.

I ran home to try to wake up Grant - no dice. All the while I was experiencing a severe case of cabin fever.Fortunately Kellie let me know that she was at Fox and Hound so I headed up there for a beer. As I was parking the sky began to once again open up - rain was pouring down in sheets. 1 beer in it was time to head home to wake up Grant and head over to Jocelyns to properly christen the new fire pit! It was a linguine, beer, wine, salad, and music kinda night. With the guys (and gal) from the band talking shop and Erin an I inhaling smores.. Then home to bed at 3AM.

Sunday was catchup day. It was nice to have a weekend with friends we don't see often, friends we do see more often, and family. I look forward to more of these!

Once a Sailors wife, Always a Sailors wife.

2009-04-14T00:19:00.003-05:00

As I have watched the terror unfold off the coast of Somalia my days and nights have been filled with prayer for the captain, crew, and the USN forces dominating this situation.

I am so proud of how the President allowed the men to do as they have been trained. I am pleased that the US has taken a stand against piracy. Yes, even me - a liberal was happy with this resolution. After all we have a military force with extensive training. As a Navy Wife I feared for the lives and well being of each sailor, both civilian and service member alike.

Living as a navy wife knowing pirates do exist and they are nothing like Johnny Depp, piracy has always caused me pause. There was a ever present feeling that one day it would cease to be ransom and turn to blood shed. That time has come. The US made the first statement. Piracy will not be tolerated. I do expect this is the beginning to a new breed of pirate - not the end. I fear this will drag on for some time, but for too long these bandits have gone along unchecked. I salute the SEALS, the Crews of DDG 96, FFG-40, and LHD 4. You do your country a great service, we in turn are grateful.

Over connected

2009-04-08T20:34:00.003-05:00

I read a article today on MSNBC that fits me.

I am a ambivalent networker.

ambivalent
Pronunciation: \am-ˈbi-və-lən(t)s\
Function: noun
Etymology: International Scientific Vocabulary
Date: 1918

1: simultaneous and contradictory attitudes or feelings (as attraction and repulsion) toward an object, person, or action2 a: continual fluctuation (as between one thing and its opposite) b: uncertainty as to which approach to follow

If you have spent any real life time with me in the past year you will notice I groan when my phone lights up / makes noise / receives a text / gets a call. It is not that I do not want to talk to you, it is just I am tired of interruption. I prefer my interaction to be done with people on a face to face basis. I feel twitter has made it to easy to not maintain a true friendship. It is a way to keep in touch with out any reciprocity. This allows people to be entirely self absorbed. I do have a twitter account. I only use it for derby scores and that may end soon too. Now I know many of my closer friends use twitter, and love it. I am not among that demographic. I love getting email, I love messages on my computer. But seriously if my phone goes off please let it be for something useful / important / meant just for me. Not a mass text to every one you know. And for the love of all that is holy be at a reasonable hour. A text after 10PM on a week night is simply never welcome (I use my phone as a alarm - and no if I put it on silent it will not wake me in the AM). Maybe in some ways I am old fashioned. That is fine by me.

Despite this heavy reliance on technology, Ambivalent Networkers—primarily 20-somethings, and 60 percent male—didn't actually "like" this level of availability as much as everyone else. Only 31 percent strongly agreed that they liked being so accessible, compared to the sample's average of 47 percent and near the bottom for all groups. More than half of Ambivalent Networkers agreed that taking a break is definitely a good idea, which was (surprisingly) ten percentage points above the average from other groups.

My family suggests that I just turn the damn phone off. But that is not a option - it could be important. My husband could have been in a accident. My family could need me. You will notice I am away from the computer more during the weekend. Weekends are a time to unwind and reconnect with people. Sometimes I think all of this technology has made humanity cold toward each other.

News Flash to the World.

2009-04-02T21:36:00.003-05:00

I my case - and that of many other women like my self who wear a bra above the size of 32B. When it comes to our 'assetts', please, just leave us alone. It is fine to discuss with us how hard it is to find a shirt that fits properly (particularly if you are female). Or to tell us we look nice.

I dress in a manner that I feel is not obscene. I rarely wear clothing to draw attention to my 'assetts'. As a matter of fact I often refuse to wear things that do show off said 'assetts'. But no matter what I wear - be it a polo, t-shirt, or sweatshirt I am the center of unwanted attention.

If there is a unintentional brush of your body against mine this is not an invitation for you to go for a second brush, or to tell me how nice my said 'assetts' look (I use assetts because to hear most men say anything else makes me nauseous). I have done nothing to earn the figure I have. It is a simple genetic crap shoot - perhaps in your view I got lucky. To me it feels more like a loss these days. This unasked for attention makes me very uncomfortable and feel violated. If I respond to you with a comment like "thanks my husband thinks so." This is your not so subtle hint to get away from me. I am not a stripper making money off your attention. I am not here for your amusement. You likely have just ruined my day if you do not - and then I spent the next several days trying to decide if I should have slapped you or just punched you in the throat. In short it makes me feel victimized.

I do not like playing the victim and the next time this happens - no warnings will be issued - I think I may just slap you.

.

2009-03-29T18:19:00.002-05:00

I cant take credit for this but it fits.

My Fair Weather Friend

How are you doing, my fair weather friend?
It’s been a good while since we spoke.
Seems like a month, I try to pretend,
Seems like a week, you joke.

Did you notice that I’ve had a time out of sorts?
Oh yes, I was terribly missed.
And what were you up? Was I in your thoughts?
Oh yes, every day, you insist.

So how can I help you, my fair weather friend?
Well, would I please lend you my ears?
Can you borrow my shoulders, now I’m on the mend,
Can I hold you and soak up your tears?

Did you notice that I’ve had a time out of sorts?
Did you think that I might be alone?
How was it, I wonder, I was in your thoughts
Yet your thoughts couldn’t pick up the phone?

There there, my unfortunate fair weather friend,
Things will get much better; you’ll see.
Your weight I shall carry, your wounds I shall tend,
One day you might do this for me.

guilt or regret - both have a bitter after taste.

2009-03-25T18:01:00.001-05:00

I got my birthday card from my fraternal Grandparents. Enclosed was a letter. I miss them both so much. But a reoccurring concern that Darrell could stop in at any given time prevents my visiting them.

My Grandpa has Parkinson's - my Grandma is doing all she can to care for him and keep up with day to day work. To me Parkinson's is like a stroke - it causes that same fear in me. The last time I saw Grandpa was 2 years ago - at that time he was not the same man I remember. What I remember is a prankster, a man who could do anything - even if it was not necessarily a good idea (like climbing a telephone pole to trim a tree - only to have the pole snap in half with him on it). Darren is having trouble with his shoulder. Cheryl and Brandon sound fine. Darrell - Darrell is not getting out of bed much these days.

I do not visit because I fear another attempt at a surprise reunion between Darrell and I. I would visit if only I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that he could not spoil the visit. I am afraid that my reaction would hurt my Grandparents more than my staying away does.

Since Darrell has moved back to Okmulgee my Uncle Darren has stopped all communication with me. I no longer have a alli in the family. Always before I would talk to Darren and arrange for him to let me know when Darrell would not be able to show up. My best guess is that he cut contact to prevent lying when questions about me were asked. I am trying to respect that, but I do miss my family.

As most of you know family is more than important to me. I try to be a dutiful Granddaughter, and help the entire family any chance I get. I feel so guilty that I am avoiding the fraternal side - especially considering they are less than 3 miles away from my maternal Grandmother.

Revenge is a dish best served cold - how do you serve a guilt and regret omelet?

He called me Sissy.

2009-03-23T22:48:00.003-05:00

Birthday started off bright.

Today the first contact I had from anyone was from Matt (my baby brother).

For the first time in 14 years he wished me a happy birthday. The last time he was 1 and a half going on 2, all I clearly remember is that he called me 'Sissy'.

I cannot tell you just how happy that made me. I further cannot tell you just how happy that text message made me this morning.

Over the weekend I had a few friends over for a night of beer (only my favorites - Linenkugel Sunset Wheat, and Marshall Sundown Wheat) and brauts. It was a modest gathering but seemed to fit the first annual 28th birthday celebration well. Damion, Jocelyn, Kelli, Kenny, Erin, Sean, Trick, and Scarlet.

We watched some basket ball,ok - Kelli, Kenny, and I watched. At this point my bracket was still looking good. For me it is loads of Big XII love - I just want the big east to loose.

Sunday brought the joint family party for myself and Robyn. The family opted to give each of us one large gift for Rob it was a Bookcase, for me a 2 person hammock. I am admittedly looking forward to a warm sunny day to fully use it. Additionally I have 3 gift cards that will go for shoes(!), some new work shirts, a nacho plate, Tulsa drawing, photo frame, and my le cruset tea pot (flame) on its way! And most exciting of all I now have a lawn mower (thank you hunny)!!!

Today I think we will gather at Split Rail for Ribs.

This past year has been a odd one for me. NPR has laid off many of the reporters I liked. I have switched jobs. For all intensive purposes Grant and I live on opposite sides of the planet. And I am finding my self yearning for a slower pace of life, hopefully the hammock will be the start of something new and good.

religion

2009-03-16T17:32:00.004-05:00

Religion in my life is a bit of a paradox to those who know me.

I cannot quote scripture - nor do I want to. I do not feel that I need to run out the doors of the sanctuary and spread gospel from every corner of the globe. I do not see my brand of religion as superior to any other. I see it as mine - a pair of fuzzy warm shoes on a cold day that you slip into to help you navigate the elements and provide a bit of assurance that you can and will make it thru the day.

When I attend the Sunday morning service I do not put on airs - I go to church as me - in jeans, tee shirt and sneakers or flops depending on the season. No one casts a side long glance (and in a congregation where I am the youngest member of the church body by 20 years plus) - as I often say they are just happy to have me there regardless of how I dress, what is important is who I am.

I believe showing that you are a christian is not done thru words but by deeds, by the time you offer to lend a hand, volunteer to help, and simply live up to your end of the bargain. In this fashion I view religion and karma in the same vein. To quote Earl " do good things and good things happen, do bad things and bad things happen". I guess you could say I take a pantheistic approach to religion. I do not see the Muslim or Jewish faith as different than my own. I only see it in different packaging. Say for example you wrap two identical gifts for Christmas - one in a simple paper with elegant bow atop, the other in a bright patterned paper with a bright and shiny ribbon tightly wound around all sides. Does this change the gift - no it just packages it in a way that others can appreciate.

And now for the radical in me - I believe in evolution. I do not see evolution as a contradiction to creation. I see them working hand in hand. The seven days and seven nights recorded in the book of Genesis. I see these days as a metaphor for time. Since there was in fact no human to record this time and the being that tells of it is immortal what is a day in forever? I have wanted for years to put a Darwin fish on my truck - not as a down to religion jab - to me it says 'Why not both?' But my husband is concerned it would bother my very Baptist in laws.

I rather enjoyed this weeks sermon that referenced the John Stewart / Jim Creamer showdown on comedy central. I would wager that I was one of few that fully grasped the illustration being used in this sermon. A sermon that hammered home the need to be accountable. I personally find it ironic and perfect that as of late the only network to hold people accountable equally is comedy central and the comedians it houses. MSNBC has proved to be too far left for me to respect, and FOX news too far to the right. I miss the days of fair and unbiased reporting.

Wish I could be there

2009-03-09T18:05:00.003-05:00

Tonight NKOTB is playing Tulsa, I remember when they played here last time. Skelly Stadium. Me in chick jeans with bows, neon pink keds, and a neon pink NKOTB hangin tough t-shirt. Sadly I will not be going tonight. All thanks to having been laid off - I can only hope to go in another 10 years.

hmmm

2009-02-25T18:16:00.002-06:00

seriously contemplating his high school reunion stuff - seriously - if you haven't tried to return the contact attempts I have made why in gods name would I want to pay $85 to have dinner and relive my prom again - it just doesn't seem like a good expense. I can pay my own admission @ the football game and call that good - or meet up with friends at a bar, but if I need a designated day every 10 years to catch up with people that I have lost touch with is it really worth it?

seagulls

2009-02-23T21:10:00.003-06:00

"People's destinies are so different. Some people drag along, unnoticed and boring—they're all alike, and they're all unhappy. Then there are others, like for instance you—you're one in a million. You're happy—"
- Anton Chekhov, The Seagull

Me and my seagulls I saw one again today.

Oh happy day!

2009-02-21T21:13:00.004-06:00

It is not often that one can say they found something they lost and have been actively looking for.

First day on the new job and I am still figuring out how to get into the swing of things - so I decide for lunch to go sit in my car, listen to NPR, and delve into the glove box and center console of my truck for the first times since - well I do not know when (tho evidence would suggest May 2003). In this cleaning / weeding out of items I located my first and favorite pair of hoop earrings! These earrings went missing back in October 2007 when we moved back from VA. My best guess is that on the freezing drive I decided to remove the freezing metal items from my ears. I have quite literally torn the house apart multiple times since the move trying to find them. Who would have thought that finding my earrings could make me this happy?

Somthing you may not know about me.

2009-02-17T22:29:00.003-06:00

Due to a somewhat archaic belief that alcoholism is inherited I avoid drinking when I am sad, mad, numb, or in general hurt. I have a fear that I will follow down the same path that my biological father did. Largely I have stuck to my rule with one exception from years long ago.

The past few days have been a oddity for me. Not bad per-say. I have started working again and things are looking up. And yet I am in such a fog. It is like my eyes are so heavy they will fall out of the socket. Yesterday I was trying on dresses for a upcoming wedding and scratched my eye. As a result I was not up for derby practice. Today I made a unexpected choice. In an attempt to lighten the mood I opened a bottle of Sundown Wheat and settled in for a night of NCIS. This locally bottled beer is quickly becoming my preferred brew.

Since leaving the military way of life NCIS has become a relic of the way life used to be. No it really is nothing like the military life - but you take what you can get.

Since my evening 'meditation' I do find myself feeling a bit as if the weight on my shoulders is a little lighter. This will not become a habit, but it is nice to breathe a little easier.

Wish me luck!

2009-02-16T22:21:00.001-06:00

Tomorrow I be at a working interview at Southern AeroParts. This job is very similar in nature to the position at NamePlates Inc. It sounds like this company has been growing at a steady rate for the past 3 years. The fact that this is a refurbishing company is certainly a positive situation given the current economic state. Thanks again and I will let you know how things go!

Gainfully EMPLOYED!

2009-02-13T11:05:00.004-06:00

I am employed 40 hours a week! In a environment that I want to work in! Whoooo Hoo!!!

This one goes out to you...

2009-02-11T02:10:00.004-06:00

To all my friends that have got me past so many hard times.
To my navy sisters still waiting at the pier.
To my navy family both active and discharged.

I know this song means so much to all of us. To each of us it has been a anthem on the hard nights. I am not there in person, Grant and I are not at your side. But I assure you, some bonds cannot be broken. This is not a friendship that can be undone. I am missing you all tonight. The friends in P-cola, and the family We found in Norfolk. We need to make plans, we need to meet somewhere for fun and friends. A cruise would be nice, maybe in another 3 years or so? For my baby navy sister - time cannot pass quickly enough for you. But I damn well better get a text once he is home safe again.

Wish you were here, or we were there with you.

To my sisters, and you know who you are this reminds me of you.

MY SAVIOR, MY SISTER

The Military Wives World,
A lonely place to be.
At least you would think so,
When our men are out to sea.

But when our men are gone,
There's a secret that we keep.
There are thousands of other women,
In a hole just as deep.

We keep each other company,
On those cold and lonesome days.
Whether a phone call or cup of coffee,
We help out in different ways.

We consider ourselves family,
On those long six month tours.
Whether we are at a different PCS,
Or at the house next door.

So for those of you who think,
We are lonely, crying fools.
Please know that we are crafty,
And have many different tools.

When the house is falling apart,
Or something starts to break,
We have a useful tool we call,
The big role of duck tape.

But when we feel alone,
And start thinking there's no hope.
Low and behold, here's a navy wife,
To throw us a saving rope.

So please don't think we are sorry,
For the hardships we endure.
Because we love our Sailors,
Of this you can be sure.

We also love our Sisters,
Who endure the hardships too.
For, without them by our side,
Lord knows what we would do.

I thank all those women,
Who have helped along the way.
I owe them all my sanity,
Which I've kept throughout these days.

So we can all be sure,
That when the word comes down,
We will have a shoulder for crying,
When he is ordered to leave town.

We will make it.
As long as there is at least
One Navy Wife left
In this world.

M. L.Dillman
October 6, 1999

I know to my non-military friends this will make little sense, and that is ok. It is something I can never forget, describe, or fully understand. I miss the family we have in the service, but no way in hell do I wish Grant would go back for one day.

Week 3

2009-02-09T00:17:00.004-06:00

Hopefully this will be the final week for this.

I am running out of steam in the hunt for a job. It appears I may have to take a part time job or two. There simply are not many jobs to go around. This may mean a cut in pay - just to have a job that pays.

It is becoming very frustrating in constantly explaining to friends and family that we have no money at the moment. Especially when you have a family member calling and asking you to chip in on gift after gift that is so far out of the budget even when you are employed.

I had a interview on Friday that may pan out. It is 30 hours a week at best, at about $2 less than I had been making - but seriously with the way the economy is I am beginning to think I just need to get a job period. So for those keeping count at home this is a running total of 3 potential part time jobs. Someone find a tranquilizer gun if my head starts to spin in circles.

The Bucket List

2009-02-06T23:31:00.001-06:00

Starting today I am working on my own bucket list. 100 things I want to do with my life before I die.

1. Visit Ireland.
2. Visit every state in the union.
3. Go skiing / snowboarding.
4. Sleep 100 miles from land.
5. Enhance someone elses life anonymously
6. Buy a house.
7. Sleep on an overnight train.
8. Visit the birthplace of my ancestors.
9. See the real Dedo
10. Make a quilt.
11. Buy my own classic auto.
12. Visit a Nazi concentration camp.
13.
14.
15.
16.
17.
18.
19.
20.
21.
22.
23.
24.
25.
26.
27.
28.
29.
30.
31.
32.
33.
34.
35.
36.
37.
38.
39.

More to come as I think of them

Week 2 - still unemployed

2009-01-31T18:48:00.004-06:00

Desperate doesn't even begin cover today's undercurrent.

Friday I turned down a job at a out bound call center making less than I have been and working about half the hours.

Since that time I have been second guessing myself almost nonstop. I do not know if I will qualify for unemployment and will not know for another 5 weeks. If I do qualify I will then receive a check retroactively for the 5 weeks. At this point I am beginning to feel very very nervous. The job market shows no sign of improvement soon. As of today I have sent my resume to 70+ places, been on 2 interviews - and am still only employed at the skating rink. Keep sending well wishes our way. Grants income cannot support us alone. And I fear that more than one month of this will force us out of our home. I know something has to give - I just hope it is soon. It is dreadfully difficult to keep a positive outlook with this situation.

going.to.be.sore.

2009-01-27T21:27:00.004-06:00

The weather today here in green country was, well to say the least not green.

At best guess last night we received a 1/4" of clear ice that throughout the day was covered in non-stop sleet. Thus making the roads, sidewalks, and even grass a icy mess. What better to do on a day like today than sled?

To be truthful I cannot remember the last time I went sledding, but my best approximation is 1988. When my cousins Mike and Joe (approx 20 years my senior) took me and two other young cousins road sledding on a homemade sled (something akin to this video) and later going to the coal pits to sled on my trusty flexible flyer. This sled was a small sled, maybe 48" at best. One year in my teens I received a 60" sled for Christmas from Santa. Sadly the appropriate conditions for sledding do not come around often. Today was the maiden voyage for a 10 (or more) year old gift. Today was also the first time I found the nerve to go down head first, it was GREAT! And the best part is that we stayed out of the creek that runs thru my mothers property. Photos will come soon (I hope) but suffice to say I had a blast and I think it is safe to say that Damion and Ayla did too. But seriously I think that I will feel this in the AM.

Battling this feeling inside

2009-01-24T18:26:00.004-06:00

Today has brought on something new. Beginning today I am battling a feeling of failure, fear, and disdain for myself. Why haven't I found something? What have I not done?

As of today I have sent out well over 50 resumes and at least 15 applications. It feels like nothing is going to give. I know I am at a low point. I know this is not forever, but damn.

My severance is over as of yesterday. I will have to meet with the unemployment office to see why I was denied that claim.Best guess is an insignificant error. But still. I feel like I am hitting a brick wall.

Hopefully things will happen Monday to put all worries to bed. But for now they are haunting me.

Welcome the second Great Depression

2009-01-17T21:18:00.004-06:00

Thursday at 2:30 in the afternoon it happened.

We had a company wide meeting at noon, hours would be cut - 4 hours a week to be precise.

I returned to my office happy to have a job, and began to do my daily work. At 2:30 I was called to the office and informed that due to budget cuts I would be one of the 'lucky ones' who will be looking for a new job. Nothing I did, or did not do. Just simply I was not one of the folks who would be staying.

Since that time I have filled out 14 job applications in 12 hours. Re-done my resume and am continually trying to file for unemployment.

I don't want to jinx anything but I turning over every rock I can find and am determined that this will not last long.

Currently my only gainful employment is at the skating rink, and after Fridays joy of cleaning up human poo smeared into every possible item - it just is not all that glamorous and will not cover the bills.

To whom it may concern.

2009-01-06T12:38:00.002-06:00

Dear Old Navy,

Please hire new designers. Your jeans are too tight in the legs, and too loose in the waist. In short they both slide down and ride up making for a most unflattering look.. For some reason my family insists on purchasing my gifts in your store, and then washing them prior to giving them to me. So I am begging that you find a new designer or get new models – this 1980’s throw back needs to be thrown back. I am not a old person, but I do have knee trouble as do many of my peers. The extreme tightness in the knees in your jeans causes physical pain and I would like nothing more than to ram these pants down your throat. The day I wake up and discover that your pants are the only clean pants to wear for the day instantly turns my day sour. No other clothing puts me in this foul of a mood. Oh and have I mentioned that these are ‘flared leg jeans’? I do not want to look like a emo looser. I am trying to dress my age and within my budget but your store does not help with this goal.

Sincerely,
Your Unwilling Customer

Snoring

2009-01-05T12:36:00.003-06:00

When I first got married snoring was more than a cute habit. It was a nuisance.

After Grant joined the Navy soring became a event to look forward to. Snoring meant he was home, he was safe. Now here we are almost 7 years married. Now snoring means more. He is home, with me and we are happy and comfortable enough with each other to not mind the little things any more. In a way snoring is like a lullaby (on the rare instance when we are in bed at the same time).

2009 and what I want.

2009-01-02T00:55:00.003-06:00

I have been mulling over the resolution list as I have the past few years.

This year I decided that was too much of a commitment. Rather than resolutions I am shooting for more of guidelines and expectations.

Guidelines

find 2 good things from each week and write them down or blog about them. (This is in hope of improving my outlook on life)
Work weekly to ensure a happy home life.
Put all laundry in the hamper

Expectations

Get out of Oklahoma for something other than derby.
See a concert
volunteer
go to the zoo

So This Is Christmas

2008-12-29T12:42:00.005-06:00

So this is Christmas
And what have you done?
Another year over
And a new one just begun

And so this is Christmas
I hope you have (had) fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young.

A very Merry Christmas
And a Happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear

John Lennon sums it up for me - in a whirl wind of a fall/winter of 2008 it seems so hard for me to see this as the Holiday season. I only sent 2 Christmas Cards: to my Aunt Cindy January 2008, and my Aunt Stella July 2008. That is it.

Grant is still working odd hours and I am still working 2 jobs. In addition to helping Grandma on Sundays. So we dont get nearly enough together time.

I am attempting to scale back my derby commitments.

Were it not for Erin and Jocelyn and our Wednesdays I do not know how I would have made it this far. Erin is by far the most consistent friend a person could ask for and when times get tough I know no matter where she is, what she is doing or who she is with that she will always care and be there for me. Jocelyn is a newer friend to me, we attended many of the same schools and had so many of the same friends it is odd we never really met. She and her hubby have been a essential part of my life here in OK I just count my blessings to have these two phenomenal women as my friends - warts and all (HAHAHA).

Looking back over the year it seems as if I have been in survival mode. I am hoping that this will ease in 2009. I simply cannot continue at this rate.

Grandma's heart trouble and stroke seem to be the straw that broke the back of this old camel.

To everyone who has called / emailed / written etc. I am sorry I have not returned the correspondence. It does mean a great deal to me. It just seems that there is not enough time in the day to catch a breath let alone to correspond.

Merry Christmas

2008-12-23T21:48:00.003-06:00

Ghosts of years long past.

2008-12-15T12:43:00.006-06:00

Darrell - my bio Father once was a Okmulgee Sheriffs Deputy in one instance he was found in a hotel with a inmate he was transporting while sharing a bottle of booze. This same glowing father figure took me on drug busts at the ripe age of 7.

Every time I think I have put all connections from me to him to bed another sneaks out. This Sunday was no glaring exception. I attend the same church I have all my life - my family is there - I know everyone there and it is a very small congregation - less than 70 members on the role and only half of that attend. It is a safe and familiar place. No surprises just safety and familiarity. This past week there were 'new people' who as it turns out knew me. Just as service started he said "I know you - you are Darrell's daughter."

All I could think is that I would rather be remembered as the kid who set fire to a local barn than that. I spent the entire service thinking of what I would say when the inevitable question came. Would I launch into blunt and gory detail? Wold I mention all the memories firmly etched into my mind?

After service it happened - he asked how my father was - to which I calmly replied "I honestly don't know, we have not spoken in over 10 years." To which he replied 'well - its his loss.' Then he and his wife asked how I was and how mom was. Both their faces were so - so familiar. It was haunting - they wanted hugs and I had NO idea who they were. Everyone at the Sheriffs dept knew me but I did not always know them.

Today I placed it. They were my friend Tanya's mom and her moms boyfriend at the time. I have been wrapped around the axle about this all day - it just occurred to me and now I am feeling better. But man - you just do not expect that in a church full of family.

entering my midlife phase.

2008-12-09T12:40:00.004-06:00

According to my Dr I am entering my midlife phase.

Evidently this in turn leads to questions about my fertility. Do I want children? If yes I need to start now before I shrivel up and die. If not we need a long term solution.

I inform this woman that I do not need a long term solution, I am not ready for kids, and I am NOT even 30. I want my BC refilled now thankyouverymuch, and that is ALL.

The woman only calls me in a ONE MONTH supply of BC?! I am not planning to get preggers now, I need my BC.

My pharmacy has been calling her office for 2 days now attempting to get a refill on this scrip. No such luck.

Today I called a new Dr's office for a appointment. I am done with her.

Its that time of year again!

2008-11-29T20:19:00.003-06:00

Sometimes I need a reminder.

2008-11-26T23:42:00.005-06:00

Years ago someone very close to me - my brother from another mother gave me this book.

At times I can be a wee bit cynical... shocker right?

This thanksgiving is a glaring reminder. It is Thanksgiving when I miss my urban family most. Over the last 2 years my blogs toward Thanksgiving have shown a marked change in Thanksgiving. As a human with a allergy to turkey this has not been a red letter day historically. It improved in the time I spent on the east coast - this is thanks to my urban family. (If you want the details please review older posts in this blog).

Now for this years thanksgiving - 27 people at last count. I love my family - I love my (step-) Dads family. His step moms family I am still learning to accept. Primarily her son in law and his children. (Would this make him my step - uncle in law?) Any way - the guy seems prying - rude -condescending -and self righteous. Great recipe for me to be around right? He lives out of state so exposure over the years has been limited at worst. But this year he will be celebrating Thanksgiving with my family. The first time my mother has hosted T-day. A day when I am to act as host, he will be there. When I learned of this I began the threats of a poison dart gun. My cousin suggested lawn darts - easier to make look like a accident. Mom overheard this discussion and forbid lawn darts - until today, she called to see if I had lawn darts I could bring tomorrow. Guess my Pollyanna mother forgot the poison dart discussion.

Wish me luck tomorrow. For now I will be up all night cooking the ham. Miss you all!

I am going to re read my book now. TTFN

Yes We Can

2008-11-06T23:17:00.006-06:00

I have made a difference in my world.

I voted. I voted for the best candidate. Not based on religion or color. For the Man I want to see lead this country back to her rightful place amongst the world.

My entire adult life GWBush has been in office. It has been a confusing time for me.

America has not been the nation I was taught to respect and love. It has been a place where lies and deceit have ruled the country. I was the first in my family to back Obama - far before the primary. I pray that President Obama will have the opportunity to see OUR dreams come to life. I see in this man hope, peace, and love. Love of our nation and a love of humankind.

As of November 4 I have a spring in my step and hope for the future. I waited in line to vote - for the first time ever. Not because this was my first time to vote - I vote every chance I get. But because this was the first time many others have voted.

This election is proof that faith in America is not lost. Hope has not failed - it is alive and well.

This is our time, to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth, that, out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope. And where we are met with cynicism and doubts and those who tell us that we can't, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people: Yes, we can.

-President elect Obama.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: 'We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal.

-Dr. King