I got my birthday card from my fraternal Grandparents. Enclosed was a letter. I miss them both so much. But a reoccurring concern that Darrell could stop in at any given time prevents my visiting them.

My Grandpa has Parkinson's - my Grandma is doing all she can to care for him and keep up with day to day work. To me Parkinson's is like a stroke - it causes that same fear in me. The last time I saw Grandpa was 2 years ago - at that time he was not the same man I remember. What I remember is a prankster, a man who could do anything - even if it was not necessarily a good idea (like climbing a telephone pole to trim a tree - only to have the pole snap in half with him on it). Darren is having trouble with his shoulder. Cheryl and Brandon sound fine. Darrell - Darrell is not getting out of bed much these days.

I do not visit because I fear another attempt at a surprise reunion between Darrell and I. I would visit if only I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that he could not spoil the visit. I am afraid that my reaction would hurt my Grandparents more than my staying away does.

Since Darrell has moved back to Okmulgee my Uncle Darren has stopped all communication with me. I no longer have a alli in the family. Always before I would talk to Darren and arrange for him to let me know when Darrell would not be able to show up. My best guess is that he cut contact to prevent lying when questions about me were asked. I am trying to respect that, but I do miss my family.

As most of you know family is more than important to me. I try to be a dutiful Granddaughter, and help the entire family any chance I get. I feel so guilty that I am avoiding the fraternal side - especially considering they are less than 3 miles away from my maternal Grandmother.

Revenge is a dish best served cold - how do you serve a guilt and regret omelet?