If you haven't noticed I am in the process of updating the old blog. Weeding thru the labels, hopefully making it more user friendly. You may notice in the latest incarnation of this 6 year blog that I have often used, and reused the term 'Urban Family'. I wish I could take credit for it, however it is a term taken from a book / movie I hold dear to my heart. That book is Bridget Jones.

This term stuck with me in life. I use it to apply to the friends I have made who have become so much more than just a friend. The friends who I have fallen into a familiar and family like relationship with. For a few examples:

- Jess, who quickly became my much shorter twin (we even wear the same size shoes!) When the opportunity presents itself we are inseparable. Spending Holiday, Deployments, Nights and random experiences. We even finish each others sentences. She is also the only friend who has ever cared for me on a night of too much to drink.

- Mikendall, Jess's husband and source of sanity. Jess constantly tells me just how much Mike and I are alike. Those of you who only met me post 2005 would not believe it but I had zero knowledge of beer prior to meeting this guy.

- The Al's, a husband and wife duo of Alison and Al. Always ready to lend a hand, support, or a ear. We spent many a holiday with them as well. They turned me on to homemade tacos and guacamole. Just ask Al about the 'thunk thunks' sometime. He is funny when he is drunk.

- Scotty, aka my brother from another mother. The countless hours Scotty and I have logged arguing, cleaning house, hanging out, and comforting each other it is like we took turns being the older sibling. But always, no matter what we have been there for one another.

- the Kid (Aaron) and his brother Derek. These two alternate from being my kids to my little brothers. They had keys to the house, called me when things went wrong. I took care of them when they were sick. You mess with the kid and that brings out the Mamma bear in me.

- Erin the only Oklahoma friend to be with me on the East Coast. She has seen me thru it all.

This is simply not the end of the list, there are so many more of you I could list. Lisa, Kirstin, Drew, Maria and Larry. Each of you mean so much to me. I am forging new and different Urban Family relationships now, but really it will never be the same. Not better or worse. But as my east coast Urban Family - we really were all we had.

10 years since 1999
10 years since my senior year
10 years since the STUCO blood drive
10 years since Columbine
10 years since the school evacuations
10 years since wild accusations
10 years since empty threats and hollow fear
10 years since BAPD guarded the senior assembly from every door and hall
10 years since we changed
10 years since I chose to not live my life in fear

Some world events shape your life, some days in history you will never forget where you were or what you were doing. For me these days start at Clinton's first inauguration, OKC bombing, Diana's death, Columbine, 9/11, and most recently Obama's election.

I would say Columbine shaped me in so many ways I face my life. It was my senior year. I had just walked into my English lit class and it was on the TV. The weeks that came after lead to how I face tragedy to this day.

I watched as my school was threatened that the same would happen to us. Parents called their children out of class for their safety. My friends who were not 'normal' - who dressed differently were targeted as the ones fueling this fear. I saw each of them being sent to the office to face a battery of questions. In tenth grade I had a history teacher who brought to life the Red Scare, then my junior year I had stage managed our production of Aurthur Millers the Crucible. To me this was the same injustice.

I clearly remember the blood drive where the entire school was evacuated because of a bomb scare. We all sat out on the baseball field while BAPD SWAT searched each room. I felt like a sitting duck - I wanted to leave. Then a week later was the final assembly of the year, the senior assembly. It had to be rescheduled due to a threat, and the BAPD was standing at each door fully armed, parents would not allow students to attend school - fear was the predominate feeling. I was given the option by my mom to miss school, I declined. The pep assembly was quiet, almost silent. We had to sit with our teachers like we did in elementary school. The end of the year pep assembly had been such a riot my junior year, this was such a let down. I made up my mind that day that I would never allow fear to prevent me from living my life. This is a theme that has resurfaced, first at my graduation, then 9/11, and during my time as a navy wife.

Now the students at my school wear id badges around their necks, I can only imagine so many other things have changed since then. I hope that Columbine taught the larger 'us' more than how to live in fear, I hope someone other than me can look back on this and say it shaped who they are for the better. So many lives were lost.

As I have watched the terror unfold off the coast of Somalia my days and nights have been filled with prayer for the captain, crew, and the USN forces dominating this situation.

I am so proud of how the President allowed the men to do as they have been trained. I am pleased that the US has taken a stand against piracy. Yes, even me - a liberal was happy with this resolution. After all we have a military force with extensive training. As a Navy Wife I feared for the lives and well being of each sailor, both civilian and service member alike.

Living as a navy wife knowing pirates do exist and they are nothing like Johnny Depp, piracy has always caused me pause. There was a ever present feeling that one day it would cease to be ransom and turn to blood shed. That time has come. The US made the first statement. Piracy will not be tolerated. I do expect this is the beginning to a new breed of pirate - not the end. I fear this will drag on for some time, but for too long these bandits have gone along unchecked. I salute the SEALS, the Crews of DDG 96, FFG-40, and LHD 4. You do your country a great service, we in turn are grateful.

Due to a somewhat archaic belief that alcoholism is inherited I avoid drinking when I am sad, mad, numb, or in general hurt. I have a fear that I will follow down the same path that my biological father did. Largely I have stuck to my rule with one exception from years long ago.

The past few days have been a oddity for me. Not bad per-say. I have started working again and things are looking up. And yet I am in such a fog. It is like my eyes are so heavy they will fall out of the socket. Yesterday I was trying on dresses for a upcoming wedding and scratched my eye. As a result I was not up for derby practice. Today I made a unexpected choice. In an attempt to lighten the mood I opened a bottle of Sundown Wheat and settled in for a night of NCIS. This locally bottled beer is quickly becoming my preferred brew.

Since leaving the military way of life NCIS has become a relic of the way life used to be. No it really is nothing like the military life - but you take what you can get.

Since my evening 'meditation' I do find myself feeling a bit as if the weight on my shoulders is a little lighter. This will not become a habit, but it is nice to breathe a little easier.

To all my friends that have got me past so many hard times.
To my navy sisters still waiting at the pier.
To my navy family both active and discharged.

I know this song means so much to all of us. To each of us it has been a anthem on the hard nights. I am not there in person, Grant and I are not at your side. But I assure you, some bonds cannot be broken. This is not a friendship that can be undone. I am missing you all tonight. The friends in P-cola, and the family We found in Norfolk. We need to make plans, we need to meet somewhere for fun and friends. A cruise would be nice, maybe in another 3 years or so? For my baby navy sister - time cannot pass quickly enough for you. But I damn well better get a text once he is home safe again.



Wish you were here, or we were there with you.

To my sisters, and you know who you are this reminds me of you.

MY SAVIOR, MY SISTER

The Military Wives World,
A lonely place to be.
At least you would think so,
When our men are out to sea.

But when our men are gone,
There's a secret that we keep.
There are thousands of other women,
In a hole just as deep.

We keep each other company,
On those cold and lonesome days.
Whether a phone call or cup of coffee,
We help out in different ways.

We consider ourselves family,
On those long six month tours.
Whether we are at a different PCS,
Or at the house next door.

So for those of you who think,
We are lonely, crying fools.
Please know that we are crafty,
And have many different tools.

When the house is falling apart,
Or something starts to break,
We have a useful tool we call,
The big role of duck tape.

But when we feel alone,
And start thinking there's no hope.
Low and behold, here's a navy wife,
To throw us a saving rope.

So please don't think we are sorry,
For the hardships we endure.
Because we love our Sailors,
Of this you can be sure.

We also love our Sisters,
Who endure the hardships too.
For, without them by our side,
Lord knows what we would do.

I thank all those women,
Who have helped along the way.
I owe them all my sanity,
Which I've kept throughout these days.

So we can all be sure,
That when the word comes down,
We will have a shoulder for crying,
When he is ordered to leave town.

We will make it.
As long as there is at least
One Navy Wife left
In this world.



M. L.Dillman
October 6, 1999

I know to my non-military friends this will make little sense, and that is ok. It is something I can never forget, describe, or fully understand. I miss the family we have in the service, but no way in hell do I wish Grant would go back for one day.

One Year and One Day since my faith in this country was shattered. One year and one day since I vowed to be strong, inspite of what came next.

What came next was worry, fear, regret, anger, uncertainty, career changes, cross country moves, lifestyle changes, and change in income brackets.

One year and one day since I felt violation in ways I never have before.

The fourth of july will never look the same to me.

Dissent is the highest form of patriotism.
-Howard Zinn

hopefully next year will be diffrent.

A little revolution now and then is a good thing; the tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. (1787)
-Thomas Jefferson

Grant is now officialy a civilian as of 1-09-08!

6 years ago today Grant enlisted in the Navy. I called to tell him to turn on the TV. He declared he had to do somthing about this and off he went. I could not reach him all day. It was a day of terror and uncertainty. When I found him he had enlisted.

Now here we are today.

Grant is in Oklahoma far far away from the Navy. Trying to find a secure job. Trying to find a place to live. How ironic is it that changes that took place 6 years ago are being reversed on the same day?

To things I have previously alluded to. I guess my husband and I have grown tired of the secrecy. So below you will find his blog on the matter. I shall add my own thoughts at a later time.
-Laurie






A couple of you have heard rumors about what's happened to me. I figure I'll just go ahead and clear the air once and for all. FIRST OFF....TULSA PEOPLE!!! WE ARE COMING HOME!!! Towards the End of October. (Jocelyn...this means in time for Halloween! ROCK!) I'm actively throwing resumes out right and left in the Tulsa area, but I think I have a line on something good. It's been way too long, and these coastal people are crazy and know NOTHING about good barbecue. Sorry folks, but you just plain DON'T.


On to the more depressing news. I think I would rather lay this out in a bulleted format.


FACTS:


-Until about a month ago, I was scheduled for advanced technical training for two months in Pensacola, Florida with a three-year follow-on assignment to Denver, Colorado working for a certain three-letter-government-agency.


-This assignment required me to go through what is called a counter-intelligence security polygraph exam. For those of you who only know about polygraph tests from what you see in the movies and on Maury Povich, forget it. There is not a giant meter hooked up to it that says either "TRUTH" or "LIE." A polygraph machine combines measurements of your heart rate, breathing rate, electrodermal conductivity (fancy schmancy way of saying SWEAT) and body movement. The combination of these signals is INTERPRETED-key word-INTERPRETED by the test taker, who then makes the determination as to whether or not that person is being deceptive. Stifle a fart, and they'll think you're a spy.


-The consensus view among scientists is that polygraph testing has no scientific basis.


-I "failed" my test.


In the aftermath of this "failure," I was submitted to more series of polygraph exams, which I PASSED. Due to certain admissions during the interview process though, NCIS became convinced that I attempted to sell classified information to a foreign government. I told them that I had THOUGHT-key word-THOUGHT about how I would go about selling classified information. Who hasn't walked into a bank and at least thought about how they would knock it off? Counted the cameras? Noticed a lazy security guard? These are mental gymnastics, nothing more. However, in the mind of the NCIS agents currently investigating me - this was a CONCRETE PLAN that I took action on.


WELL HOW THE FUCK DO THEY PROVE THAT IN THE LACK OF ANY EMPIRICAL EVIDENCE WHATSOEVER?!?!?


*regains composure* Ahem. They try to prove it by basically re-doing my security investigation OVER again. Talking to everyone I've ever come in contact with. In the meantime - My reputation is on the rocks, my computer and iPods are locked away in an NCIS evidence locker somewhere (yeah. They tossed my house.), I have lost my orders to Denver, and the bonus I would have gotten. If I decided to fight this and stay in the military, I have NO DOUBT that I could. After all, these guys are going to do their jobs and beat their heads against the wall for a few months before becoming convinced that I'm actually a pretty boring guy.



But is it worth it? Is it worth it to fight for my military career when my bonus is gone, I have a permanent black mark in my security file, and there's a solid chance I could get sent to fight the Great Republican Oil Expedition Brought to You By Halliburton Industries? Absolutely not. I am getting the HELL out of the military as soon as I legally can, growing out my sideburns, and never looking back. But I'm not bitter. As long as the United States has this lovely omelette called National Security, eggs will have to be broken to make it. I just found out I'm one of them.


Here's one final FACT for you:


-Aldridge Ames, one of the most damaging spies in U.S. History, PASSED multiple screening polygraph tests similar to the one I took. While he was selling classified information to the KGB, I might add.

Grant is on duty tonight and often I take him dinner so we can see each other for a bit. Today the Barry is sharing the pier with the Donald Cook DDG 75. As I was walking up to the foot of the Pier a third class in a Cook Cap checked my ID. I had to fight the urge to hug him and say I was sorry. I am guessing most of you do not know what I am referring to. On St. Paddy's Day the Cook pulled into Boston to celebrate the holiday. Sailors were given leave and sadly one third class did not return. I and so many other wives have been following this very closely in the news, with each update shattering a bit of hope we were holding on to. A sailor so close to home, in a situation thousands of sailors face will not be coming home. Each of you reading this, please hug your loved ones... remember we are not promised another day.

"Yesterday, December 7, 1941-a date which will live in infamy-the United States of American was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan."

These words were spoken by President Roosevelt on December 8, 1941. to members of Senate and the House, during this speech he declared war upon Japan and we entered into World War II as we know it from our text books.

As I mentioned Pearl Harbor Day, was considered a day that will live in infamy. Yet here I sit 65 years later, and this day is hardly recognized. A blurb in a paper, a passing statement in the news. No federal holiday. As my customers enter the bank they ask what day it is. To which I respond, "Pearl Harbor Day" and most still make no notice or even know what day this attack happened.

Why is it that a nation like ours is so quick to forget our past? Do we not learn from these things. History does mimic itself. I view our current state of the nation as a form of the roaring twenties. Inevitably things will come full circle. Society has never been 'stable' for long. There is unrest in America. Our country is dividing once again. I can only hope that the next generations can restore its great honor.

Please take a moment to remember our past, commit its lessons to memory.

Beleave you me I am as shocked by this as you are. It is time for Grant to take a 3 year shore duty rotation, with the added income of him making first we can now afford for me to go back to school. After 3 more years we are done, but at least we can put all our bad money choices to rest now and build on a better future. To just up and leave now would put us in a uncomfortable bind of family having to provide for us both for the next 3 years while we get our education. With him on shore duty we can both further our education and be better prepared when we do enter the real world. It was a hard choice to make. But we did weigh all options. This was just the best. But it does look like we will be PCSing again. We will know our choices soon.

The un-thinkable has happened. Grant will most likely be re-enlisting. Where we will go next, what we will do next is yet un-known. But we are at peace with the choice. Here's to new horizons.

Well we had some big news in the Whitesell household today.

Grant made Petty Officer First class. Which is a huge surprise, as a matter of fact I told him when he tested that he had less than a snowballs chance in hell. But here we are. With this advancement comes better wages, and more opportunities. This also leads to more responsibilities and much more difficult choices. Prior to this news we were certain that this was our last year with the navy. Yet here we are, weighing out the pro's and con's very carefully. What will be the best choice for our family? Will this mean another deployment? I have put my schooling on hold for 5 years, will I have the chance to finish soon? Is shore duty for the next 3 years a guarantee? What doors will this open? What doors will this close? Our window of choice is small, less than 2 weeks. Each of us could use all the input you have to offer. Moreover what will serve our goals and family best?

Friday night I got my baby (99 Chevy Blazer LS) back from the shop. She is alive kicking and now fully (we hope) repaired. After months of fighting with a P0300 repair code that is a misc cylinder misfire, with attempted repairs including o2 sensors, 2 sets of plugs and wires and the list goes on.. she is home from a 2 day diagnostic. I now know that she was operating on the factory fuel filter.

You know there are just things you can do in a truck that you would never do in a car...

Take for example yesterday at the Big E homecoming... parking was AWFUL! As I was trying to leave traffic was not moving, not one inch. But across from me there was a field type area with large mud puddles, rocks, and grass... this 'field' then connected to the road.... I sat and pondered for a moment and at last decided I should drive thru it, and drive thru I did. Bumpy yes, would I do this in a car, no. But what a sense of accomplishment and freedom that I got. I went off roading on base. I love my truck!

It feels like it has been a month of welcomes all in the past week!

As some of you know Grant was due home at 3PM on the 13th of November. He was to fly home from Jacksonville FL while the ship took on Tigers for a Tiger Cruise (meaning that family members of the same sex can come on board and ride the ship home with their sailors. To make room for the extra people some people are sent home early). Unfortunately customs took too long (3 hours) to find the ship (no one can leave the ship till customs has finished the inspection.) This made Grant miss his flight entirely.

After a mad scramble we did find him a flight to Newport News arriving at Midnight. At last he was home.

2 days later the Barry joined us, bringing home Aaron (the Kid), Mike (Jess's hubby) and all our other friends! I was there serving as photographer for Aaron and Abby!

As of today I am pleased to report that all my boys are on US soil! Derrick (Aaron"s brother) came home on the Big 'E'. I got to meet Amanda (Derrick's girlfriend) and spend more time with Mamma Teoli. Let me just say one more time, All my boys are home!

I will be adding photos! I have tons of Aaron and Derrick, none of Grant cause I just could not think clearly, but who cares? They are home!!!

Who Needs Sleep

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So, in the past 6 months that my darling husband has been away I have had many, many mishaps.. the kinds of things that cause your friends to shake thier heads and say slowly "only you". I am headed down the stairs with a box to take to the post office, a box containing my anniversary gift that was on back order and arrived broken. It is just what I wanted, but broken... any way... my tallented ass mis counted the steps and fell flat on my face, face on the box... bit deeply into my lower lip... and gave myself a nice bruise on my chin, and a bruise on my lip (I had no idea that was even possiable!). So now I am on the mad cleaning spree pre-hubby arrival. Tallent huh?

The toilet was at last repaired, as was the sub-floor and I now have new linoleum... whoo-ho. But in the process the toothbrush was covered with silicon seal, the hair bush did not escape this either, my hair dryer was covered in gunk, as were my walls and my toilet was placed in my tub and the tub was not cleaned.... worst of all... now my kabuki brush for makeup application is GONE!!!!!! WHY ME!?!?! Naturally I did not discover any of this until I needed it... this sux.

Im so excited! Grant is comming home early!!!!!