The past few weeks have brought on some unexpected changes, a sense of calm almost serenity.

Over Memorial weekend I went with Jocelyn to DFW. While there we took Ayla and Matt (my baby brother) to Six Flags over Texas.

For those of you reading who do have siblings and were fortunate to grow up with them in your life, please consider your selves lucky. To see my brother is a rare treat, and this time in TX is the longest I have spent with him in 15 years. We were together 14 consecutive hours! The time we spent together was just so fun. When we took Matt home I had the chance to sit and talk with Susan (Matt's mom and my first step mom). At the age I am now I can see just how much having Susan in my life made me the person I am today.

I have never wanted to force a relationship with me on Matt. Ultimately I have just wanted him to be happy. We share such a demented and complicated father that I am grateful Matt only has a single memory of him. All along I have wanted to prevent Matt from having the same tumultuous childhood I had.

Next week my baby brother will turn 16. I hope our relationship will grow stronger over time. I hope he can understand why I have kept my distance.

Since seeing Matt and Susan I feel more certain of the path I have made for myself. I feel more assured of where we (Grant and I) are going. Grant will be going back to school in the fall, and we will be just fine.

My last bout as a roller derby ref was last night. It was time, I have no regrets. I was informed that I am not needed at the rink over the summer. This is opening me up for more time with my Grandma, for which I am grateful. This gives me more time for Grant, My friends, and My family. More over this is giving Grant a chance to finish his education, and me the time to assist in any way I can. At last I feel like I can return to being me.