1. Thine house can never have too much Gatorade or too many pairs of fishnets.

2. Thou shall not ask if something died in my gym bag. (That smell is my pads and its comforting…seriously.)

3. Thou shall make your friends aware that if ONE more of them ask me if we skate topless, he's going to end up with a skate up his ass. (That goes double for the next person who asks if Derby is like professional wrestling.)

4. Thou shall not protest when I feel the need to post pics of my ass on the league's bulletin board, especially if the bruises on my ass resemble the Virgin Mary or any 'Different Strokes' cast member.

5. Thou shall remember for any birthday, anniversary, or special occasion, three words: Bones. Swiss. Bearings.

6. Thou shall not protest the fact that there are two league practices, one team practice, two committee meetings and endless hours on the bulletin board each week. (Just be glad that the girls and I haven't just rented a big house so we could be together all the time.)

7. Thou shall not attempt to use the bag of frozen peas from the freezer in any kind of meal. (They've spent more time on my ass than Victoria's Secret.)

8. Thou shall accept that I constantly refer to my teammate as 'Big Sleazy'. (I have not one idea what her real name is.)

9. Thou shall continue to swell with pride when you see me kicking all kinds of ass out there at the rink. Thou shall also remember to do us both a favor, and remember that feeling, next time I get poured into the house smelling like Blue Moon and cigarette smoke.

10. Thou shall be aware that I am capable of conversing on subjects other than Derby, I just don't want to.