10 years since 1999
10 years since my senior year
10 years since the STUCO blood drive
10 years since Columbine
10 years since the school evacuations
10 years since wild accusations
10 years since empty threats and hollow fear
10 years since BAPD guarded the senior assembly from every door and hall
10 years since we changed
10 years since I chose to not live my life in fear

Some world events shape your life, some days in history you will never forget where you were or what you were doing. For me these days start at Clinton's first inauguration, OKC bombing, Diana's death, Columbine, 9/11, and most recently Obama's election.

I would say Columbine shaped me in so many ways I face my life. It was my senior year. I had just walked into my English lit class and it was on the TV. The weeks that came after lead to how I face tragedy to this day.

I watched as my school was threatened that the same would happen to us. Parents called their children out of class for their safety. My friends who were not 'normal' - who dressed differently were targeted as the ones fueling this fear. I saw each of them being sent to the office to face a battery of questions. In tenth grade I had a history teacher who brought to life the Red Scare, then my junior year I had stage managed our production of Aurthur Millers the Crucible. To me this was the same injustice.

I clearly remember the blood drive where the entire school was evacuated because of a bomb scare. We all sat out on the baseball field while BAPD SWAT searched each room. I felt like a sitting duck - I wanted to leave. Then a week later was the final assembly of the year, the senior assembly. It had to be rescheduled due to a threat, and the BAPD was standing at each door fully armed, parents would not allow students to attend school - fear was the predominate feeling. I was given the option by my mom to miss school, I declined. The pep assembly was quiet, almost silent. We had to sit with our teachers like we did in elementary school. The end of the year pep assembly had been such a riot my junior year, this was such a let down. I made up my mind that day that I would never allow fear to prevent me from living my life. This is a theme that has resurfaced, first at my graduation, then 9/11, and during my time as a navy wife.

Now the students at my school wear id badges around their necks, I can only imagine so many other things have changed since then. I hope that Columbine taught the larger 'us' more than how to live in fear, I hope someone other than me can look back on this and say it shaped who they are for the better. So many lives were lost.

One Year and One Day since my faith in this country was shattered. One year and one day since I vowed to be strong, inspite of what came next.

What came next was worry, fear, regret, anger, uncertainty, career changes, cross country moves, lifestyle changes, and change in income brackets.

One year and one day since I felt violation in ways I never have before.

The fourth of july will never look the same to me.

Dissent is the highest form of patriotism.
-Howard Zinn

hopefully next year will be diffrent.

A little revolution now and then is a good thing; the tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. (1787)
-Thomas Jefferson

NCIS has contacted Grant and claims that they will be returning our items they took on July 3.

"If we confuse dissent with disloyalty — if we deny the right of the individual to be wrong, unpopular, eccentric or unorthodox — if we deny the essence of racial equality, then hundreds of millions in Asia and Africa who are shopping about for a new allegiance will conclude that we are concerned to defend a myth and our present privileged status. Every act that denies or limits the freedom of the individual in this country costs us the. . . confidence of men and women who aspire to that freedom and independence of which we speak and for which our ancestors fought." – Ford Fiftieth Anniversary Show, CBS and NBC, June 1953, "Conclusion." Murrow: His Life and Times, A.M. Sperber, Freundlich Books, 1986

To things I have previously alluded to. I guess my husband and I have grown tired of the secrecy. So below you will find his blog on the matter. I shall add my own thoughts at a later time.
-Laurie






A couple of you have heard rumors about what's happened to me. I figure I'll just go ahead and clear the air once and for all. FIRST OFF....TULSA PEOPLE!!! WE ARE COMING HOME!!! Towards the End of October. (Jocelyn...this means in time for Halloween! ROCK!) I'm actively throwing resumes out right and left in the Tulsa area, but I think I have a line on something good. It's been way too long, and these coastal people are crazy and know NOTHING about good barbecue. Sorry folks, but you just plain DON'T.


On to the more depressing news. I think I would rather lay this out in a bulleted format.


FACTS:


-Until about a month ago, I was scheduled for advanced technical training for two months in Pensacola, Florida with a three-year follow-on assignment to Denver, Colorado working for a certain three-letter-government-agency.


-This assignment required me to go through what is called a counter-intelligence security polygraph exam. For those of you who only know about polygraph tests from what you see in the movies and on Maury Povich, forget it. There is not a giant meter hooked up to it that says either "TRUTH" or "LIE." A polygraph machine combines measurements of your heart rate, breathing rate, electrodermal conductivity (fancy schmancy way of saying SWEAT) and body movement. The combination of these signals is INTERPRETED-key word-INTERPRETED by the test taker, who then makes the determination as to whether or not that person is being deceptive. Stifle a fart, and they'll think you're a spy.


-The consensus view among scientists is that polygraph testing has no scientific basis.


-I "failed" my test.


In the aftermath of this "failure," I was submitted to more series of polygraph exams, which I PASSED. Due to certain admissions during the interview process though, NCIS became convinced that I attempted to sell classified information to a foreign government. I told them that I had THOUGHT-key word-THOUGHT about how I would go about selling classified information. Who hasn't walked into a bank and at least thought about how they would knock it off? Counted the cameras? Noticed a lazy security guard? These are mental gymnastics, nothing more. However, in the mind of the NCIS agents currently investigating me - this was a CONCRETE PLAN that I took action on.


WELL HOW THE FUCK DO THEY PROVE THAT IN THE LACK OF ANY EMPIRICAL EVIDENCE WHATSOEVER?!?!?


*regains composure* Ahem. They try to prove it by basically re-doing my security investigation OVER again. Talking to everyone I've ever come in contact with. In the meantime - My reputation is on the rocks, my computer and iPods are locked away in an NCIS evidence locker somewhere (yeah. They tossed my house.), I have lost my orders to Denver, and the bonus I would have gotten. If I decided to fight this and stay in the military, I have NO DOUBT that I could. After all, these guys are going to do their jobs and beat their heads against the wall for a few months before becoming convinced that I'm actually a pretty boring guy.



But is it worth it? Is it worth it to fight for my military career when my bonus is gone, I have a permanent black mark in my security file, and there's a solid chance I could get sent to fight the Great Republican Oil Expedition Brought to You By Halliburton Industries? Absolutely not. I am getting the HELL out of the military as soon as I legally can, growing out my sideburns, and never looking back. But I'm not bitter. As long as the United States has this lovely omelette called National Security, eggs will have to be broken to make it. I just found out I'm one of them.


Here's one final FACT for you:


-Aldridge Ames, one of the most damaging spies in U.S. History, PASSED multiple screening polygraph tests similar to the one I took. While he was selling classified information to the KGB, I might add.

Most everyone who reads this knows what is going on in my life, if you don't drop me a call and I will happily fill you in.

We still had received no news, 25 days of limbo. At the moment I am growing more and more tired of the government having the power to jerk my family around like this. It really does hearken back to the days of Joseph McCarthy. In the past 25 days I have felt so many emotions, shock, complacency, understanding, acceptance, fear, isolation, (unfounded) shame, regret, dis-belief, and am now approaching rage. How could this happen to us? It seems so unreal. So unamerican. The people I have alluded to in previous blogs (Arthur Miller & Edward R Murrow) I now feel an even stronger bond to. The red scare was my favorite part of US history to study. Now I fee like I am living it. This stress takes a toll not only on mental health but turns to physical problems too, headaches, stomach aches, sleeplessness and sleepiness have joined in. I have heard guesstimates that this could go on for months. I can only hope that this is wrong. I am hoping for the day I can add closure to the list of feelings this experience has brought.

As I type this I want so desperately to link you to things and add in photos. Sadly each digital copy of every photo I have ever taken is out of my possession and I am using a friends computer and do not want to adjust her settings to allow those handy buttons to link things. And I am not that proficient with HTML as of yet. I wish there was a call to action to issue, sadly I can find none. Just please keep an eye out for a place for us to live once we are done with this mess. Our current plan is to pack up and head back to Green Country. Back to a place where people actually care about thier fellow man.

I will be re-reading it again soon. I feel like I read it too fast. So much is there to absorb.


At the moment I am re-reading Idiot girls Action Adventure Club.

In other news at my house there is still no news and I am slowly going insane.

Sometimes You feel like you are re-living history. More to come on this subject at a later time, for now I beg you read this. Ponder this, commit it's lessons to heart.
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Arthur Miller and the Crucible.


Taken from Wikipedia:

Miller himself has stated that he wrote the play to comment on the parallels between the unjust Salem witch trials and the Red Scare from 1948 to 1956. Under McCarthyism, the United States was terrified of Communism's influence. Like the witches on trial in Salem, Communists were viewed as having already silently infiltrated the most vital aspects of American life and security, presenting a clear and present danger to the community at large.

Political dissidents at the time were regarded with suspicion, and, to many under the influence of the Red Scare hysteria, presented a direct threat to national security. The implication of a person's name offered up to the House Un-American Activities Committee by a testifying witness carried the same weight as irrefutable evidence of guilt, and any refusal to name names by a witness was a clear sign of a Communist conspiracy. Miller, seeking to protect his business and personal friends from the negative outlook it propelled, and admitting in private his own desire to keep his inner-conscience and sense of self inviolate, refused to testify to the Committee and was blacklisted by the American entertainment industry.


Many of Miller's peers, fearing the wrath of the US Congress and the US courts, provided the names of their associates to the Committee in an attempt to save themselves from public and professional disgrace. Most of these accusations were procured out of fear and were largely uncorroborated and had no legal basis of proof. Miller, portraying a stark similarity between the collaborators of both the McCarthy era and the Salem witch trials, depicts cowardly neighbors accusing each other falsely to save themselves from the high court of Salem. To Miller, only those who refuse to cooperate to such a system of plain injustice even to the point of death, most notably John Proctor and the seven condemned villagers who hang with him for their silence, hold onto their honor and sense of self and die as vindicated martyrs.

Most of the characters in "The Crucible", including John and Elizabeth Proctor, Judge Danforth, and Abigail Williams, actually did exist, and were involved in the Salem witch trials. However, the historical personages were in most cases very different from their counterparts in the play. For example, the play's John Proctor is a farmer in his thirties or forties, Abigail Williams is a teenager, and the two are depicted as having had a love affair. The real Proctor was an elderly tavern keeper and Abigail Williams was only eleven (and of course there is no historical evidence of an affair between the two). This reimagining of ages and relationships — and many other variations from history — are dramatic license on Miller's part, who openly admits the liberties he took in the process of the play's creation. As Miller said, "The play is not reportage of any kind…what I was doing was writing a fictional story about an important theme."
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“ It was to dig a skeleton out of the closet of America. ”

—Arthur Miller, 1967

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"If we confuse dissent with disloyalty — if we deny the right of the individual to be wrong, unpopular, eccentric or unorthodox — if we deny the essence of racial equality, then hundreds of millions in Asia and Africa who are shopping about for a new allegiance will conclude that we are concerned to defend a myth and our present privileged status. Every act that denies or limits the freedom of the individual in this country costs us the. . . confidence of men and women who aspire to that freedom and independence of which we speak and for which our ancestors fought." – Ford Fiftieth Anniversary Show, CBS and NBC, June 1953, "Conclusion." Murrow: His Life and Times, A.M. Sperber, Freundlich Books, 1986

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With these quotes and text I leave you for the evening. Now to steal a final quote.

"Good Night, and Good Luck"
-Edward R Murrow