By now I bet most of my readers are under the impression that I totally ignore the fall holidays. This is not true but all my spare time that is not devoted to celebrating the season are spent preparing for the Christmas season. In all truth fall happens to be my absolute favorite season.

I have been wondering what are Christmas traditions you have that don't involve sweets, decorating, parties, or gift exchanging?

For me that is charity. Each holiday I donate to toys for tots, grab a angel off the angel tree, or take food to the food bank. This may not be Opera at the Met, but I see this as a classy holiday tradition.

Throughout the year I regularly take supplies to Blue Star Mothers. But the holidays I focus on those less fortunate.

If you have never done this I highly suggest this become a yearly tradition. No matter how small the gift you will make a difference in someones life.

I still remember as a child how we would go select a gift or two to take to the Toys for Tots. And then my Aunt and I would take them and deliver them to a Marine. As we were selecting the toy and dropping it off we would talk about the importance of helping the less fortunate. I see this as an indispensable life lesson that has suck with me and shaped who I am even today.

In lean years I have often purchased my gifts at Big Lots or the Dollar Tree. Other years I have tried to get the latest and greatest toy. But every year I do something. After all something is better than nothing.

I find that I get the most joy from picking out a Angel to buy for.

I try to pick the tweens or teens (most people go for the little ones.) I like getting the teens so that I will know that somewhere someone is opening a outfit that will make them feel good about who they are - and how they look, even just for one day. I cant help thinking how great it was to get all the cool new clothes for Christmas when I was in middle school. How I would labor over what to wear on the first day back.

If you are a parent I would suggest you and your child(ren) select someone together at about their age so that they can help in this gift selection.

Today while sorting thru my blogs I follow on google reader I came across a post for Bloggers care: Operation Christmas Child. Which in truth is what spawned this post. I don't know if the is the avenue I will choose to support this holiday season but I wanted to share this link for a good cause.

If you have never participated in an anonymous gift giving program before I hope you will consider it. If you do please take a moment to share a story or thought. Or as I asked in the beginning, how do you celebrate the holiday season? What makes Christmas, Christmas for you?

Today we laid Uncle Bud to rest.

I was honored by Rev. Dr. Thomas Schwartz to be included in this service.

Regulars to my blog know I do not expect much to come of what I put here. This is a way for friends and family near and far to keep up with the day to day observations. To get things off my mind when it feels like my head will soon explode. I expect little acknowledgment in this other than an occasional comment when something strikes a chord.

Today the blog I wrote of my Great Uncle's death was included in the eulogy.

To tell the truth I was gobsmacked. (I think I can honestly say I have never before felt the need to use this term). Pastor Tom told me as we were leaving for the church that he would be using it in the service.

In that moment I was humbled.

I do not feel that my brief tribute paid justice to the person my Uncle was. In order to do true justice this would involve a long drawn out story in true Reynolds Fashion (of which Bud was a master). But one thing is more than certain, he will be missed by many.

I hope I painted my Uncle in a way that we all will remember him. No one man is perfect. But my Uncle helped shape the life of so many people.

The service was fitting and 'full of all his friends', with the horse drawn hearse taking Uncle Bud to the cemetery pausing in front of his store one last time. It really was a fitting way to say 'good bye' to a man who meant so much to so many.

Today has been a sad day for the Reynolds Clan. Our Uncle Bud passed on.

Not only is this a loss to our family but also to the city of Morris OK. When the Tornado in 1984 hit Uncle Bud's store (Reynolds Lumber and Hardware) was one of the few business that did not leave town. For all intensive purposes he was the towns life support.

Today My Great Uncle passed on.

This is a reality I am still coming to terms with. No matter how logically I know that none of us get out of this mess alive it just does not fit. Some people are more than a person, they are an institution. In a town of 1200 we are anticipating a large turn out at the funeral. As is true with any small town we do not have many locations that will hold so many.

My Uncle Bud was not necessarily a perky person. But for what he lacked in perky he more than made up for in compassion. I know of very few people who care so deeply for a community that they would stay only to prevent the town's death.

In hard times such as this I am so proud of my family. We are a large, tight knit extended family. When times like this come we circle the wagons. This is true now. We are all stepping in to make this work. This is what would make my Uncle proud.

To my relatives stumbling on to this, please help me in celebrating our Uncle's life. He was among one of the most generous people I know and he loved us all so very much. Now it is his time to move on and celebrate with those who have gone before. It is now up to us to keep this family together. Please lets not leave this to the next funeral. Our family is a rare and special gift (even if we do have our oddities).

To the rest of you please hug your loved ones and remember to tell them you care. The only thing certain in life is death.

This song is certainly not my Uncle's speed (he liked Elvis) but for me this is a fitting tribute. Here's to you Uncle Bud.

With out going into much detail I have had a rough and sad week.

A family member has shown such blatant disrespect to his parents safety and wishes I am at a loss. It is sad when a parent gives a child every opportunity to succeed and they throw it all aside for several decades.

Selfishness that could have been devastating and catastrophic was contained.

None the less damage has been done to the family fiber. This is a betrayal that cannot be forgotten.

I know this feeling.

10 years ago I pruned my own family tree. Even in times when it is the best thing to do it hurts to the core. I was the child, I can only imagine how a parent feels in this situation. I feel so bad for my family and so disappointed in this person.

I have had suspicions of this for some time. It kills me that I was right.

All my life we have had friends that were so much more than friends, they were - and are family.

I have cousins, who aren't cousins. Grandparents that aren't Grandparents. Parents who aren't my parents.

This weekend has been a perfect illustration of this. This weekend was my "Grandpa Denton's" 80th birthday. Grandpa Denton was a close friend of my Grandad Biby




No only that my mother is best friends with Carla, Grandpa Denton's daughter. I am best friends with Alli Carla's daughter. Michael (Alli's cousin) is like a cousin to me - we all grew up together. We have so many shared memories like being a "Grandma Adair's" 90th birthday party and staling the sugar cubes. We couldn't have been any older than 5 at the time. And still when you put us together that is the first thing we say to each other. We are family - just as deep as any blood connection. When Grandpa and Michael were in a motorcycle accident we drove to Arkansas to be at their side. Micheal's dad died when Mike and I were young. 2 or 3. It troubles me that I have memories of him and Michael says he has none. My family attends so many of their family reunions I am convinced that most of the extended family thinks we are family members as well.

The other is my Cousin Joe's best friend Mike. Unitl I was in my teens I honestly thought Mike was a member of our family. Mike spends holidays with us. To us Mike and his family are family too. Mike's Grandmas funeral was the first funeral I attended. Now Mike's mom is batteling cancer. It is a saddening situation. She is having difficulty swallowing thus causing her situation to be dire. Please if you are of a praying variety keep this family in your prayers.

I have something going on in my life at the moment I would like to share. However, I do not feel it is fitting or right to do so. You see someone in our extended family is dealing with some very sincere marital problems and unfortunately both parties do not have the best grasp on how to behave in this situation. This would all be well and good if there were not children involved. I could sit and know that it could get ugly but no-one would be emotionally scarred forever.

I have often mentioned the turmoil I experienced as a child here on my blog. It has served to shape the person I am today. One thing I know it has effected is how I as a adult behave in front of children. Hearing of fighting in front of a child or seeing someone directly mistreat a child will certainly send me over the edge. Sadly most parents do not share my view on this.

My only concern in this is for the children. I have had reoccurring dreams/nightmares that we end up adopting the kids and raising them ourselves. I really don't see that ever happening, but I just feel so responsible. Unfortunately my concerns are falling on deaf ears.

Please if you are a praying person please send up a prayer for these kids. If you are not into praying shoot them some good karma, vibes, happy dance or what have you.

My soul slides away
But dont look back in anger

I have been looking back over things from my past quite a lot lately.

Looking at things 20 years in the rear view gives an interesting perspective on my childhood. Knowing people for who they are today causes me to see things that happened very differently now. It is actually quite the conundrum.

You see the only person who actually holds the answers to these questions in their entirety will never divulge the truth. It is not in his nature. That person would be Darrell (for those of you just tuning in that is my biological father).

I was told as a child that my stepmother hated me. Darrell told me these things at 7 yeas old. What kid would question the words of the man who is supposed to love them and care for them above all else? I was afraid of her and even defensive. I constantly looked for evidence of this statement. Please understand my Stepmothers family was always (and still is to this day) so good to me. To me they will always be my family. Darrell and my Stepmother split when I was in the seventh grade. Aside from potentially loosing contact with my brother I was relived at the chance for the drama to end.

And here is where things get funny.

Darrell remarried. I have never been close to that woman, and do not refer to her as more than 'step mom # 2'. We may have interacted 5 times over as many years. Each time was awkward. Her family was not warm to me, this caused me to long for 'my' step - family. I was not comfortable in this situation but still I had hope that this woman would be kind to me. Maybe even like me.

Still the drama did not end.

It spiraled.

In a years time this woman and I hit a wall, no mutual respect. No boundaries of any kind. Things with Darrell became worse. Abusive language was commonly hurled at me. I don't know if it was me becoming a teen who would stand their ground rather than tuning into a sobbing mess of "Daddy I love you, Daddy I am sorry" was what sparked it, or if he got worse. Perhaps it was a combination of the two. By the time I hit 18 we were, and still are estranged. I expect this will not change.

I am pleased to report one change in my life. As Darrell and I grew apart I came to know my Stepmother as a person, a good person who loved and cared for my brother as only a mother can. At once I respected her for getting my brother away from that crazy man whose DNA we share. Over the last year I feel like we have began to forge a friendship. I still refer to her as my 'Step mom' (to tell the truth she is the only step mom I feel I have ever had). I don't honestly know how she feels about this, but I expect if she is reading this she will let me know. She is like that, out spoken - kinda like me (I like to think). I have come to see her in a very new light and have began to reexamine my child hood in my idle times. I simply find my mind wanders there. It is like this is my own personal rubix cube. Looking back I wonder if Darrell told her similar things about me to ensure we did not become close and he could be the only one we cared about when we were together as a family.

Honestly I will never know the truth. But I can say one thing for certain. If I had the chance to trade my messed up child hood for a normal one I wouldn't do it. Was it hard and often heartbreaking, yes. But the people that came into my life as a result are more than worth the pain. I have a PHENOMENAL baby Brother, step mom who is excited for me and my friends. This coupled with the rest of my family and my friends makes this life pretty damn good. At last I can not look back in anger.

Dont look back in anger
I heard you say

At least not today.

Oasis
Don't look back in anger

Please note, I say people. I do not name a political candidate, nor do I single out the government. My heart is with the people.

My heart has been with them so long as I can remember. As a child I feared what would happen to the people of Iran. You see - my family, we had friends there. Friends who feel like family. We prayed for safety and peace in Iran nightly. Our friends were well off, at one time had ties to the Shah. Once the Shah was overthrown we prayed for our friends safety. We had met them when Bagher came to the US to study Architecture. He was the room mate to my uncle. One year later he returned with a bride, Nahid. Bagher and Nahid spent weekends, holidays and daily life with my family until the time came for them to return to Iran and start a family. Once there they could not return to the US - for over 20 years they waited for a safe time to visit. This time did not come. It was not until 1999 when they moved to Canada that we were able to see them and for me to meet them for the first time. The day I met them face to face I knew - these people were more than friends - they were family. The boys, they are almost like brothers to me. My husband has come to know these people as family as well.

I eagerly awaited Iran's election, as I do every American election (what can I say, I love watching politics in action). Since the time that the result was announced I have watched these events unfold. I have seen the recount denied, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei declare Ahmadinejad victorious and the scenes that came after. People detained after silent protest, women and men shot for peaceful assembly, security forces beating protesters with clubs. Each of these thing I have seen only by grainy footage shot by cell phone and sent on in hopes that the world would see. All press has been shut down, only the will of the people of Iran brings this to us.

At last the people of the west are seeing the people of Iran as I do. As people, people just like you find in England, Germany, or America. People who deserve a voice that has been denied to them too long. People who have been so utterly over looked by the world at large it is maddening.

For to long the government of Iran has done as it pleases with no regard for the people it governs. This situation is about to be put in check. For the first time in my life time I can say, the world is in fact watching, the WORLD not the leaders the people of the world. This will not be forgotten. The Angel of Iran will not be forgotten - Neda how fitting a woman whose name means 'voice' in her native tongue should be the one who gives voice the injustice of this.

I await a resolution, one that I fear is far off.

My heart is still with the people of Iran.

The past few weeks have brought on some unexpected changes, a sense of calm almost serenity.

Over Memorial weekend I went with Jocelyn to DFW. While there we took Ayla and Matt (my baby brother) to Six Flags over Texas.

For those of you reading who do have siblings and were fortunate to grow up with them in your life, please consider your selves lucky. To see my brother is a rare treat, and this time in TX is the longest I have spent with him in 15 years. We were together 14 consecutive hours! The time we spent together was just so fun. When we took Matt home I had the chance to sit and talk with Susan (Matt's mom and my first step mom). At the age I am now I can see just how much having Susan in my life made me the person I am today.

I have never wanted to force a relationship with me on Matt. Ultimately I have just wanted him to be happy. We share such a demented and complicated father that I am grateful Matt only has a single memory of him. All along I have wanted to prevent Matt from having the same tumultuous childhood I had.

Next week my baby brother will turn 16. I hope our relationship will grow stronger over time. I hope he can understand why I have kept my distance.

Since seeing Matt and Susan I feel more certain of the path I have made for myself. I feel more assured of where we (Grant and I) are going. Grant will be going back to school in the fall, and we will be just fine.

My last bout as a roller derby ref was last night. It was time, I have no regrets. I was informed that I am not needed at the rink over the summer. This is opening me up for more time with my Grandma, for which I am grateful. This gives me more time for Grant, My friends, and My family. More over this is giving Grant a chance to finish his education, and me the time to assist in any way I can. At last I feel like I can return to being me.

Whew,

After this last week I just feel beat, tired, and ready for the next few weeks to pass quickly.

As you may know I am retiring from derby.

This weekend I reffed one of my final bouts. It confirmed for me that it is time for me to retire.

With all the goings on this weekend. (Rink lock in, Mayfest, Working Sat, make - up mothers day with Grants Family, Chruch, Fellowship dinner, helping Grandma, and the bout) I just feel like I did not even have a weekend.

The lawn needs mowing, and I just want to lie in the hammock and relax.

In the farming / gardening front we seem to have taken on quite alot. We are up to 4 tomato plants, 3 peppers, spearmint, and citronella plants (x5). Will I never learn about too much of a good thing?

I would be remiss to mention mothers day and fail to mention all the other mothers I had in my life.

Don't get me wrong, my mother taught me compassion, raised me around nature, and encouraged me in every endeavor. My mother was the best mother she could be. When life got in the way she relied on others to teach me. I think this makes me a stronger person and I am grateful for it. Often in high school I was left to my own devices. I am glad I had this chance, and that I was adult enough to care about doing right.

My Grandmother taught me how to be a strong, political, and vocal woman. She nurtured my love of books, art, and anything else that seemed to cross my path. Isn't that what grandmas do? Dinner discussions of politics and life were encouraged.

Liz's mom taught me the importance of hashing out what is on your mind rather than sitting and letting it stew. A successful marriage is one where the cards are on the table. This same woman taught me the value of prioritization. You must do this before this, etc.

Jamie's mom was up and waiting each night when we would come in. I cannot tell you how nice it was to come in from a night out with friends, walk in the door and have someone offer chicken nuggets and ice cream with homemade butter pecan sauce. It was nice to know that someone was waiting.

I have often said I think it takes a village, I know I am greatful to mine.

After hearing a interview on NPR with Amy of Ask Amy, this book sounded alot like my childhood.

So, back to that bad Granddaughter Status.

March 31 my Grandpa on my biological fathers side had a pacemaker put in. I went and visited him in the hospital. I promised I would keep in touch / call. Would stop being a stranger.

Now here we are, the first part of May.

Have I called? Have I written? No. Do I have a good reason? No. Do I know what I will do next about this? No clue. I am just sitting here with this perceived obligation looming over my head.

It's a twister! It's a twister!
- Zeke
The Wizard of Oz

Morris, Oklahoma. My hometown. A place of fond child hood memories involving big band music, ice cream socials, and cake walks. And yes this was in the 1980's. Morris was a place sheltered from the world. Doors were left unlocked. Stopping by the neighbors for tea or lemonade was normal. Directions were given in terms of go to the four way turn right and then turn at so - and - so's house and you are there. Every adult looked out for every kid. When you hear older generations talking about needing to behave in public or risk as paddling at every house on the way home, this is the world I grew up in. Simply put a slower pace.

1984

April 24 - My Great Grandma Reynolds had just come home from the hospital after suffering from a stroke, her tulips were in bloom. We went down to see her then Granddad Reynolds took us out to the garden to see the tulips, bright colors of red, yellow, and a red/orange were every where. It was beautiful. The local news paper editor saw us out there and took photos for the paper.

April 26 - I was 3 years and 34 days old. In less than one hour Morris changed. A F3 comprised of 3 sisters (three tornadoes twisting around each other) hit the center of town (I have heard talk from meteorologists stating that under the EF scale what we saw may have been a EF5). My parents were in OKC that night and I was staying at my Grandma's in neighboring Okmulgee. Okmulgee is a city on a hill - we watched the tornado from the front porch. Since that night it is like my memory is on hyper drive. I remember the bulldozers demolishing the remains of the city. The tulips in ruin. Playing on pieces of linoleum lying recklessly in the yard that had been our family home - the house my Granddad (Pap) had been raised in, the house I came home to after I was born, the hose that fell victim to the tornado while my Uncle and his dog Boots were inside. My parents home survived - only thanks to the many native pecan trees that towered over it sheltering it from the storm. I remember the feeling of the town after being placed under Martial law.

Exactly one year later a second tornado hit Morris during a candle light vigil at the high school parking lot.

In Morris we only have two time frames - before the tornado, and after.

In elementary school students only drew and painted tornadoes. Mine were always the same - a dark black wall cloud, a funnel, and tulips of red, yellow, and a red/orange.

After the town was never quite the same. Families did not return and rebuild. All the shops and stores left, save one. My Great Uncle's business "Reynolds Lumber and Hardware". Sadly the ice cream socials dwindled as did the big band nights, now they are no more. By the late 1980's drugs had begun to take hold of this broken town.

It has been 25 years. And yet to each who lived it is yesterday.

I made the announcement Friday. I will be retiring from derby, effective June 8.

Working 2 jobs and derby was taking too much time away from my family - and as a result stressing me out. I always said if it ever came to the point where derby was effecting my life with my family derby would loose.

It is time to slow down, take a deep breath, and RELAX.

I wont be disappearing entirely, I will likely become a rabid fan, or announcer.

The weekend was simply packed to the gills with friends and family. What more can I hope for? Saturday we attended a book signing for the book of Grants late (1965) Grandfathers poetry. I was more than a little confused as to how a author who has been dead over 40 years would sign the book. Little did we know that Grant and his Dad would be doing the signing since he did the data entry and his father compiled the poems. While we were there I played with the dogs, a Germain Sheppard, Anatolian Sheppard, great Pyrenees, and 2 Pitt bulls. We went home and Grant crashed out.

Dinner brought a happy event, I had dinner with Rose (a very dear friend from my sophomore year at OSU) and her husband Justin (incidentally I sold rose to Justin at a date auction - this led to their first date), Kathy (Justin's mom), and the Hobbits. Girl Hobbit is 7 now (I was there when she was born), and Boy Hobbit is 5 (I saw him when he was about a week old). Dinner was great and the kids are sooooo cute! It seems like every time Rose comes to Tulsa she brings a torrential down pour, this time was no exception.

I ran home to try to wake up Grant - no dice. All the while I was experiencing a severe case of cabin fever.Fortunately Kellie let me know that she was at Fox and Hound so I headed up there for a beer. As I was parking the sky began to once again open up - rain was pouring down in sheets. 1 beer in it was time to head home to wake up Grant and head over to Jocelyns to properly christen the new fire pit! It was a linguine, beer, wine, salad, and music kinda night. With the guys (and gal) from the band talking shop and Erin an I inhaling smores.. Then home to bed at 3AM.

Sunday was catchup day. It was nice to have a weekend with friends we don't see often, friends we do see more often, and family. I look forward to more of these!

I got my birthday card from my fraternal Grandparents. Enclosed was a letter. I miss them both so much. But a reoccurring concern that Darrell could stop in at any given time prevents my visiting them.

My Grandpa has Parkinson's - my Grandma is doing all she can to care for him and keep up with day to day work. To me Parkinson's is like a stroke - it causes that same fear in me. The last time I saw Grandpa was 2 years ago - at that time he was not the same man I remember. What I remember is a prankster, a man who could do anything - even if it was not necessarily a good idea (like climbing a telephone pole to trim a tree - only to have the pole snap in half with him on it). Darren is having trouble with his shoulder. Cheryl and Brandon sound fine. Darrell - Darrell is not getting out of bed much these days.

I do not visit because I fear another attempt at a surprise reunion between Darrell and I. I would visit if only I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that he could not spoil the visit. I am afraid that my reaction would hurt my Grandparents more than my staying away does.

Since Darrell has moved back to Okmulgee my Uncle Darren has stopped all communication with me. I no longer have a alli in the family. Always before I would talk to Darren and arrange for him to let me know when Darrell would not be able to show up. My best guess is that he cut contact to prevent lying when questions about me were asked. I am trying to respect that, but I do miss my family.

As most of you know family is more than important to me. I try to be a dutiful Granddaughter, and help the entire family any chance I get. I feel so guilty that I am avoiding the fraternal side - especially considering they are less than 3 miles away from my maternal Grandmother.

Revenge is a dish best served cold - how do you serve a guilt and regret omelet?

Birthday started off bright.

Today the first contact I had from anyone was from Matt (my baby brother).

For the first time in 14 years he wished me a happy birthday. The last time he was 1 and a half going on 2, all I clearly remember is that he called me 'Sissy'.

I cannot tell you just how happy that made me. I further cannot tell you just how happy that text message made me this morning.

Over the weekend I had a few friends over for a night of beer (only my favorites - Linenkugel Sunset Wheat, and Marshall Sundown Wheat) and brauts. It was a modest gathering but seemed to fit the first annual 28th birthday celebration well. Damion, Jocelyn, Kelli, Kenny, Erin, Sean, Trick, and Scarlet.

We watched some basket ball,ok - Kelli, Kenny, and I watched. At this point my bracket was still looking good. For me it is loads of Big XII love - I just want the big east to loose.

Sunday brought the joint family party for myself and Robyn. The family opted to give each of us one large gift for Rob it was a Bookcase, for me a 2 person hammock. I am admittedly looking forward to a warm sunny day to fully use it. Additionally I have 3 gift cards that will go for shoes(!), some new work shirts, a nacho plate, Tulsa drawing, photo frame, and my le cruset tea pot (flame) on its way! And most exciting of all I now have a lawn mower (thank you hunny)!!!

Today I think we will gather at Split Rail for Ribs.

This past year has been a odd one for me. NPR has laid off many of the reporters I liked. I have switched jobs. For all intensive purposes Grant and I live on opposite sides of the planet. And I am finding my self yearning for a slower pace of life, hopefully the hammock will be the start of something new and good.

Religion in my life is a bit of a paradox to those who know me.

I cannot quote scripture - nor do I want to. I do not feel that I need to run out the doors of the sanctuary and spread gospel from every corner of the globe. I do not see my brand of religion as superior to any other. I see it as mine - a pair of fuzzy warm shoes on a cold day that you slip into to help you navigate the elements and provide a bit of assurance that you can and will make it thru the day.

When I attend the Sunday morning service I do not put on airs - I go to church as me - in jeans, tee shirt and sneakers or flops depending on the season. No one casts a side long glance (and in a congregation where I am the youngest member of the church body by 20 years plus) - as I often say they are just happy to have me there regardless of how I dress, what is important is who I am.

I believe showing that you are a christian is not done thru words but by deeds, by the time you offer to lend a hand, volunteer to help, and simply live up to your end of the bargain. In this fashion I view religion and karma in the same vein. To quote Earl " do good things and good things happen, do bad things and bad things happen". I guess you could say I take a pantheistic approach to religion. I do not see the Muslim or Jewish faith as different than my own. I only see it in different packaging. Say for example you wrap two identical gifts for Christmas - one in a simple paper with elegant bow atop, the other in a bright patterned paper with a bright and shiny ribbon tightly wound around all sides. Does this change the gift - no it just packages it in a way that others can appreciate.

And now for the radical in me - I believe in evolution. I do not see evolution as a contradiction to creation. I see them working hand in hand. The seven days and seven nights recorded in the book of Genesis. I see these days as a metaphor for time. Since there was in fact no human to record this time and the being that tells of it is immortal what is a day in forever? I have wanted for years to put a Darwin fish on my truck - not as a down to religion jab - to me it says 'Why not both?' But my husband is concerned it would bother my very Baptist in laws.

I rather enjoyed this weeks sermon that referenced the John Stewart / Jim Creamer showdown on comedy central. I would wager that I was one of few that fully grasped the illustration being used in this sermon. A sermon that hammered home the need to be accountable. I personally find it ironic and perfect that as of late the only network to hold people accountable equally is comedy central and the comedians it houses. MSNBC has proved to be too far left for me to respect, and FOX news too far to the right. I miss the days of fair and unbiased reporting.

Due to a somewhat archaic belief that alcoholism is inherited I avoid drinking when I am sad, mad, numb, or in general hurt. I have a fear that I will follow down the same path that my biological father did. Largely I have stuck to my rule with one exception from years long ago.

The past few days have been a oddity for me. Not bad per-say. I have started working again and things are looking up. And yet I am in such a fog. It is like my eyes are so heavy they will fall out of the socket. Yesterday I was trying on dresses for a upcoming wedding and scratched my eye. As a result I was not up for derby practice. Today I made a unexpected choice. In an attempt to lighten the mood I opened a bottle of Sundown Wheat and settled in for a night of NCIS. This locally bottled beer is quickly becoming my preferred brew.

Since leaving the military way of life NCIS has become a relic of the way life used to be. No it really is nothing like the military life - but you take what you can get.

Since my evening 'meditation' I do find myself feeling a bit as if the weight on my shoulders is a little lighter. This will not become a habit, but it is nice to breathe a little easier.

The weather today here in green country was, well to say the least not green.

At best guess last night we received a 1/4" of clear ice that throughout the day was covered in non-stop sleet. Thus making the roads, sidewalks, and even grass a icy mess. What better to do on a day like today than sled?

To be truthful I cannot remember the last time I went sledding, but my best approximation is 1988. When my cousins Mike and Joe (approx 20 years my senior) took me and two other young cousins road sledding on a homemade sled (something akin to this video) and later going to the coal pits to sled on my trusty flexible flyer. This sled was a small sled, maybe 48" at best. One year in my teens I received a 60" sled for Christmas from Santa. Sadly the appropriate conditions for sledding do not come around often. Today was the maiden voyage for a 10 (or more) year old gift. Today was also the first time I found the nerve to go down head first, it was GREAT! And the best part is that we stayed out of the creek that runs thru my mothers property. Photos will come soon (I hope) but suffice to say I had a blast and I think it is safe to say that Damion and Ayla did too. But seriously I think that I will feel this in the AM.

So this is Christmas
And what have you done?
Another year over
And a new one just begun

And so this is Christmas
I hope you have (had) fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young.

A very Merry Christmas
And a Happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear

John Lennon sums it up for me - in a whirl wind of a fall/winter of 2008 it seems so hard for me to see this as the Holiday season. I only sent 2 Christmas Cards: to my Aunt Cindy January 2008, and my Aunt Stella July 2008. That is it.

Grant is still working odd hours and I am still working 2 jobs. In addition to helping Grandma on Sundays. So we dont get nearly enough together time.

I am attempting to scale back my derby commitments.

Were it not for Erin and Jocelyn and our Wednesdays I do not know how I would have made it this far. Erin is by far the most consistent friend a person could ask for and when times get tough I know no matter where she is, what she is doing or who she is with that she will always care and be there for me. Jocelyn is a newer friend to me, we attended many of the same schools and had so many of the same friends it is odd we never really met. She and her hubby have been a essential part of my life here in OK I just count my blessings to have these two phenomenal women as my friends - warts and all (HAHAHA).

Looking back over the year it seems as if I have been in survival mode. I am hoping that this will ease in 2009. I simply cannot continue at this rate.

Grandma's heart trouble and stroke seem to be the straw that broke the back of this old camel.

To everyone who has called / emailed / written etc. I am sorry I have not returned the correspondence. It does mean a great deal to me. It just seems that there is not enough time in the day to catch a breath let alone to correspond.