I have come to the relaization that I often only share 'surface' type things. And lately am beginning to think I am a bit of a shallow person.

shal·low

Lacking depth of intellect, emotion, or knowledge

Could this be thanks to the fear of expressing my thoughts or merely the fact that nothing that noteworthy comes from me?

Then again aside from this vauge definition what is shallow? Is it a person who lacks empathy? Someone who simply behaves as though they are a more trendy, hip, cool, and important person? Is it someone who will go to no end for thier appearnace so that others find them more desirable? Or am I crossing into another definition... that of vain or vanity?

As you may have gathered thanks to previous posts I am taking a break from my internet life for the most part (save e-mail and blogging). I have come to the conclusion that it causes far too much un-needed drama in my already crowded life.

This brings me to yet another definition,

friend n.

1. A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
2. A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.
3. A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.

Funny how one word can mean so much to some, and so little to others. Ahh well, you live and learn.

And lastly a final word to think on:

de·vo·tion n.

Ardent, often selfless affection and dedication, as to a person or principle. See Synonyms at love.

The act of devoting or the state of being devoted.

These are three words that have haunted my mind this month, each for a diffrent reason. The last word has been my favorite. I am finding after a hard year that I have grown so much, that each word previously mentioned has had a siginificant change both for me and in me.

Devotion is the biggest. I am devoted, more than ever before to myself. I am devoted to being better every day. And by better I do not mean superior. If anything far from it. I am devoted to being me, be that silly, or sincere... no more mask of what looks right. I am devoted to displaying myself in a better light, both in the way I view myself, and the way I dress. I am Laurie, not a wife, not a navy wife, and not a bank teller... I think I may have lost that view along the way, it is high time I reclaimed that power. I have already started on this process.. out came the cameras and film. Into the garbage went the large sweaters and sweat shirts

I am also more devoted to Grant than ever before... in a diffrent way than ever before. I no longer hound him about the little things (yes I still slip at times, but I am trying). I want to encourage his creative side, without being pushy (yet another sticky spot for me). I want to give him the space I denied earlier in our marriage to be himself.

I really do belive with hard times comes maturity and wisdom.